Soulshine

Codependents tend to serve multiple gods. Oh sure, most of us think we only serve the God who created us. But in reality we have many more gods that we serve on a daily basis and who are much more essential to our lives—in all of the wrong ways. Parents, spouses, lovers, friends, bosses, coworkers, neighbors, ministers, even the guy who runs the local dry cleaners can become our god if we choose to give our power away to them. And too often we choose to do this by deciding that we need the approval of these people to be OK. I’ve met many people who have spent their entire lives desperately seeking the approval of Mom or Dad. They’ve bent over backwards to achieve top honors in sports or civic organizations, graduated from college with 4.0 grade point averages, started successful businesses, or excelled at being great humanitarians. They’ve bought Mom or Dad luxurious gifts, beautiful new homes or cars and still nothing is ever “good enough” for Mom or Dad. And they’ve ...

Many of us are too afraid to live life. Life happens and we don’t know how to handle it, so we desperately run away as fast as possible. And—sadly-- we even run away when life is presenting us with what we’ve really wanted, like a serious, loving relationship. I know too many people who have ended good relationships, even marriages, because they were too afraid to be involved in anything so intimate, even though their true-selves really wanted the intimacy. Unfortunately, their addictive-selves were frightened beyond reason and in the driver’s seat. So they zoomed off at 100 miles per hour out of the relationship. They allowed all of their addictive fears to escalate into self-destruct mode and they did everything in their power to alienate the other person. For example, let’s say Jared has been head-over-heals for Angela for a couple of years. He’s always suspicious of her, however, because she’s a very attractive girl and he’s heard some rumors about her past behavior wit...

Sometimes we allow ourselves to get trapped in an ever-shrinking inner-world. We close in on ourselves as we pull away from others and outside activities. Suddenly even the big outside world seems small. It happens subtly and often doesn’t come to our attention until we start to crumble inside. We feel lethargic, despondent and hopeless. Then we realize that we’ve reduced the real world down to the size of our brains—a very dangerous placed to be trapped in. No wonder we don’t feel alive. If you’re suffering from Brain Trap, if the walls are closing-in on you, it’s time to get out and do something. If you can make arrangements with a friend to go walking in the park, or go to a concert, or golfing, etc., then do it. Just make sure that you choose to do something that makes you feel somewhat alive and not something that simply medicates you more (like shopping). Last Sunday night I got out of my brain-trap by going to a Duran Duran concert with a friend. As the big event dre...

“Every individual has the same fundamental human rights as every other...” Robert Alberti & Michael Emmons , Your Perfect Right In their legendary book Your Perfect Right , Robert Alberti and Michael Emmons go on to clarify the above statement adding “regardless of gender, age, ethnicity, role or title.” I don’t see any need to clarify, however, because it becomes a means of still being exclusionary. What about sexual orientation? Does “ethnicity” include “nationality” or “skin color”? How about religious preference? When we add on “regardless of” it opens the door to being exclusionary while still looking inclusive. Let’s face it: We’re all equal in this world—and I do mean EVERY human being—period! There are NO EXCEPTIONS. That said, it would be much easier for us all to exercise our human rights if we all BELIEVED we were equal and if we were assertive enough to keep people from treating any of us as if we are less than they are. The book Your Perfect Right is ...

The air is alive with yellow butterflies today. Everywhere I walk or look my eyes are entranced by their joyful acrobatics. I’ve watched them fly, twist and turn in all directions. They’ve encircled my head, rubbed noses with each other and introduced themselves to every flower. In many ways, these butterflies remind me of two year old children who are excited about their new-found ability to walk upright and explore the world around them. Two-year-olds always seem so exhilarated as they chase after all of the mysteries and fascinations their ever-expanding worlds have to offer them. Remember when you chased after life with wide-eyed wonderment? Remember when everything seemed new and exciting? Remember when you thought you had wings-enough to float through life like a butterfly? Inside my heart, I hear a solid round of “No, no, no.” It’s been so long since everything seemed radiant and beautiful to me that I don’t remember what it was like to experience the world anew ...