Soulshine

Gee, you know, we codependents tend to have many bad days. Or do we? Is it karma? Do we have an invisible bullseye on our backs? Does everything really go wrong all day long? I'd say the answer to these questions is probably "NO." What we codependents often do have in common, though, is a victim mentality. All it takes is one wrong glance from a person in the office, one irritable spouse, or one assumption we just made about what a friend said a few seconds ago-- and suddenly our entire day is ruined. Codependents have an unwritten rule: "Where there is no chaos I will create it." We thrive on drama, where we're the unfortunate and undeserving victim, of course. Many of us could win Academy Awards for Best Perpetual Victim in a Supporting Role. Why? Because one little bad thing happens in the morning and we stew on it for the rest of the day, or week, or month or year. We tend to take everything PERSONALLY. If the coworker just took it on

"I heard you on the phone You took his number Said you were alone That you will call him soon Isn't he the guy The guy who left you crying? Isn't he the one Who made you blue? Oh When you remember those nights in his arms You know you got to make up your mind Are you gonna stay with the one who loves you? Or are you going back to the one you love? Someone's gonna cry when they know they lost you Someone's gonna thank the stars above." Glenn Frey, The One You Love (1982) As someone in recovery for codependency, these lyrics take on new meaning for me today. Back in 1982, I simply thought that this was one of the most beautiful, emotionally moving songs I'd ever heard. I didn't realize at the time that I was actually the girl (so to speak) in the song who was always in love with the wrong person. But now, when I look at these lyrics, I see how plainly and painfully true it is that I was the exact same type of person tha