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Cancel Your Subsciption to Drama and Chaos

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Sometimes we not only need to cancel our subscriptions to other people’s issues, but also to our need for them.

Today I got up and everything was fine, but suddenly there was a bad old feeling purculating up inside of me. It was a very familiar feeling; one that I’ve never quite known how to label. It’s like a mixture of fear, dread, anxiousness and feeling unsafe. Some might label it as “waiting for the other shoe to drop,” but I think it may be a feeling of actually wanting the other shoe to drop— of missing and wanting chaos in my life.

I had a good weekend. I went to the Symphony last Friday night and was mesmerized by Gil Shaham’s rendition of Tchaikovsky’s Violin Concerto. On Saturday, I directed a filled to capacity Surrender Box retreat that went magnificently. I gave a talk on living life to the fullest in the present moment at three different services Saturday evening and Sunday morning and received nothing but accolades.

In other words, nothing chaotic or bad happened over…

We Can Own Our Personal Power and Change Our Lives for the Better

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Too often, as a codependent, I have felt powerless. At a young age I learned to surrender my personal power to my mother, who was very willfull and controlling. As a result, I never learned how to own my personal power and I developed a pattern of feeling helpless, trapped and unsafe because I easily gave my power away to most everyone.

Somehow everyone else became more powerful than me. Their opinions, beliefs, wants and needs counted— but mine didn’t. As I grew into adulthood, this pattern continued and I continually gave my power away to everyone. I never counted, or had value until I entered Recovery.

In Recovery I have learned that no one can take my personal power away from me without my consent. I’ve also learned that my opinions, ideas, feelings and beliefs do count. They are equally as important as everyone else’s, and I don’t have to agree with everyone to be acceptable. I can agree to disagree with certain people who also have learned to own and honor their personal power.…

Trade Toxic Love for Healthy Love

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I especially like the part of this quote that says “when you see a period at the end of the sentence (relationship), don’t try and turn it into a comma.” Why? Because, as a codependent, most every relationship I entered into already had a period at the end of the sentence before the relationship even got off the ground. I immediately erased the period and continually placed commas in its place until the relationship finally blew-up beyond repair.

I’ve always chosen the wrong people to love, and to expect love from in return, my entire life. The door was always closed already, in terms of hoping for a healthy relationship, and yet I forced my way past every closed door. My attraction was always to the most toxic person in every room I ever entered. I was totally blind to my emotional attraction to toxic people, and those who responded positively were totally blind to their toxic attraction to me. We played each other, used each other, manipulated each other until we exhausted every po…

We Have to Thaw from Inside-Out to Experience Blessings

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Too often I have missed out on the many blessings of life because my heart has been frozen to receiving those blessings— the greatest of which is love.

I’ve spent most of my life living like an ice sculpture: too afraid to let me out and too afraid to let life in. Being frozen provided a protective layer from being hurt, but it also kept me from living life by truly experiencing the beauty that many relationships provide. I missed out on the beauty of sharing a smile with persons I passed by on countless sidewalks. I missed out on talking with the person next to me on a plane. I missed out on having deeper relationships with family and friends. And I missed out on having a life-giving relationship with God.

In my frozen world, my only true relationships were with things: the TV, the Stereo, clothes, doughnuts, and the latest whim that caught my attention and was purchaseable. None of these things brought me satisfying happiness, and none of them filled me with gratitude.

Today, throu…

Are You Building Your Future on Positive or Negative Thoughts?

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This quote from Bryant McGill is brilliant. And so true. Our future begins with our next thought— and every thought that follows shapes our day.

So the choice is ours: We can choose to think positive thoughts, to trust and have faith that our Higher Power will helps us work through difficulties, or we can choose to default into fear and self-defeating thoughts that become worries. We can choose to think grateful thoughts for all of the good in our lives, or we can choose to think negative thoughts about what’s absent from our lives.

Essentially, we can allow our thoughts to control our day by defaulting into negative thinking, or we can take our personal power back by choosing to be positive even when life seems to be working against us. As long as we choose negative thoughts, life WILL be working against us with our assistance. But if we choose to engage in positive thoughts we begin to change the flow of life toward the beauty and goodness that God has planned for us.

The choice is…

Reclaim Your Personal Power from Critics

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I’ve learned in recent years, that I am too often a victim of my internal responses to someone else’s words or actions. One person can criticize a talk I give and it wipes away the joy I felt over 200 other people praising my talk. Why? Because, as a child, I was programmed to feel bad about myself.

My negative internal response, usually shame and embarrassment, in the present moment to a negative person isn’t about that person, what they have to say or the present moment at all. My negative internal response is foremost about the past.

All of the old repressed feelings from childhood to adulthood come rushing over me like hot, burning lava from a valcano that has just erupted inside of me— a valcano of old, hurting feelings that my wounded inner-child is still painfully bearing.

I believe it’s important to realize this. It has never made sense to me that over the course of my entire life, one critical person’s response can destroy my joy; even when he/she is in the vast minority wit…

Accept the Apologies You Never Received and Move Into 2018 with a Positive Attitude

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It’s best to choose to leave the resentments of 2017 behind us today, on this final day of the year. Some of us have been through difficult relationships this year that didn’t end well. Some of us are still holding on to resentments from past years that have become grudges. And often times we are stuck because we are still expecting apologies we never received.

I’ve heard many people say “I’ll never forgive him (her) until they beg me for forgiveness.” I used to say the same thing, but Recovery has taught me that holding on to a resentment, in hopes of receiving an apology, is detrimental to no one aside from myself.

I would often like to receive an apology from someone who was rude, abusive or who betrayed me in some way. But I no longer EXPECT to receive one; nor do I place limits on my ability to forgive by accepting what I cannot change. If someone has no intentions of apologizing, or is simply unable to do so because they are too wounded inside themselves, I can’t force them to …