Soulshine

When relationships end, we often hear about how the two people involved “grew apart” from each other. I wonder if that’s really true. It seems to me that many people in serious relationships never allow themselves to “grow together.” It’s mind-boggling to me that people can be in committed relationships and yet   never communicate honestly with their significant other. What’s even more mind-boggling is the fact that this seems to be more the norm than not. Many people commit to each other on a surface level. They do fun things together, share similar friendships and talk about fluff until they feel comfortable enough to get physical. Before you know it they’re married—often because the sex was great—and they’re having kids. But deep down, they don’t even really know each other at all. They’ve never allowed themselves to be vulnerable to the point of truly unleashing who they are, what they need, what they want, what they’re deepest hurts and joys are, what they truly believe o

Sometimes we take another person hostage within our hearts. Subconsciously, we want this person to give us something. And that something is usually the same something we wanted and needed our mothers or fathers to give us, like love, approval, affirmation, warmth or a sense of belonging. Mom and Dad weren’t able to give us these things. For whatever reason, they didn’t have them to give. And more often than not, the persons that we tend to take hostage in our hearts are exactly like Mom and Dad. They are equally unable to give us what we want and need because they don’t have it to give. The problem is that we rarely understand this. We don’t get it that the very people we are most attracted to are the very people who are most like our emotionally unavailable parents. This doesn’t mean that they aren’t good people. They may be kind, attentive and generous in other ways, but when it comes to what we really need from them—love and affirmation—their wellsprings have long been dry.

O God you are my God Have mercy on me for I am a miserable worm I am guilty of being alive, brought into this world by an act of sin And I am equally as guilty of breathing the air that is not mine for the taking Forgive me for being a wretched piece of shit for I was born this way I am guilty, I am guilty, I am guilty… And if you are really a God of Love you will wipe away all of this guilt and shame That I was taught as a child by people with good intentions Who were brainwashed by people with evil intentions People who wanted to control and manipulate others To gain personal power, prestige and wealth in Your Name. Amen. This first stanza above is how I have often felt based in my religious upbringing. It’s how I feel whenever I read certain Psalms. It represents how my parents saw themselves and how they viewed sexuality. I don’t blame them for it. They were not bad people. They were simply taught the wrong things by well-intentioned people who had

Who you gonna change in this world? Your mother? Your brother? Your lover? Your coworker? Well, forget those people. Try changing yourself. And by changing yourself, I don’t mean getting a new hairdo or moving to a new city . I mean going inside and changing the real inner-you. I love clothes and over the years I’ve bought lots of them, hoping that they would somehow make me OK and acceptable to myself and the world around me. I especially love shirts and I’m always hoping I’m going to find just the right shirt that makes me look handsome and slender. You know, that one short that’s going to tell the whole world that I’m good enough. Unfortunately, there’s no shirt that can do that. There’s not even a “perfect” birthday suit that can do that if we aren’t OK with what’s underneath our skin. Recently I met a man who told me he’s always changing jobs, even if it means picking up and moving to new cities. He lamented that he could just never seem to find the right job or workp

Do we ever really see another person just the way he/she is? I doubt it because we spend so much time projecting our own inner-garbage all over everyone else. Think about all of the people you encounter, one way or another, over the course of one day. How much of your own inner-turmoil do you project onto those people? Any time we make a negative judgment against someone else, we are most likely projecting our own negative judgments against ourselves onto those people. Everyday we see people we don’t know and who we will never see again, and yet we spray all of our inner-garbage all over them. In our heads, we criticize how they are dressed, the fact they have tattoos, the way they walk, the people they are choosing to walk with, the bumper-stickers on their cars, the way they eat their French fries, and the stories they have to tell. Why? Because each of those people we choose to criticize is rubbing us the wrong way. And they are rubbing us the wrong way because they are hit

I’ve often heard it said “His/her love is for the taking.” But I prefer to think of it as “His/her love is for the receiving.” Love is something that we are always free to receive. The problem for some of us is that we won’t allow ourselves to freely receive the love that is freely offered to us. So here’s a mantra for today, and I intend to mantra-me with it all day long and invite you to do the same: All love is mine for the receiving. Today I choose to freely accept the love Of God, of myself and of others I am worthy of all love And I am worthy of sharing love With everyone and everything.