Soulshine

[Soulshine meditations will be sporadic for the next few weeks because I am giving a series of talks called “Love Does No Harm” in Phoenix, Sierra Vista and Green Valley. I will try to write as I am able to gain internet access.] Love of neighbor is the fulfillment of all moral laws (Romans Chapter 13). This is true. But love of neighbor (and of God) is only possible when we first have love of self. If we do not love the reflection of the image and likeness of God that we see in the mirror, we will not be able to love the God who created that image, or the neighbor who reflects a different, yet similar, image and likeness of God.  All three (love of God, neighbor and self) are interwoven and cannot be separated. This is why John says in his first letter than any one who says that they love God, but hate their neighbor is a liar. It’s impossible to love the God the neighbor reflects while hating the neighbor. For the most part, we aren’t even capable of hating our neighbor unless w

Once we enter this world, it seems we’re always chasing death. From the time we breathe our first breath, we begin the aging process; which initially works for us, but then eventually (sometime after 18 years old) begins to work against us until we breathe our last breath. In addition to the aging process, we are faced with fate, chance, accidents, self-care and genetics: All of which can either prolong or shorten our time in the physical world. Truth is no one knows how much time they have on this earth. And yet, we all tend to act like we have forever. I don’t know of anyone who wakes up each morning thinking this could be their last day. We always assume we have tomorrow-- and the next day and the day after that. Everyone who died in a traffic accident today, or who had a fatal heart-attack, or who was in the wrong place at the wrong time during a random shooting expected to live to see tomorrow. But they didn’t. Without knowing it, they rolled their dice and came up snake eyes. A

It’s true that we become what we believe. Nowhere have I seen this better portrayed than in the 1945 movie “The Enchanted Cottage,” starring Robert Young and Dorothy McGuire. Young plays Oliver Bradford, a World War II pilot who is shot down in action and left physically disfigured. The once handsome Oliver returns home to find that his beautiful fiancée, Beatrice, can’t even stomach to look at him, much less love him, in his disfigurement. Originally, Young had sought out the “enchanted cottage” as a honeymoon suite for himself and Beatrice, but after his accident, he returns to the cottage contemplating suicide. McGuire plays Laura Pennington, the housekeeper at the “enchanted cottage.” Laura is a recluse who has made herself into the town’s homely old maid. I say “made herself” because Laura isn’t really homely, but she’s been repeatedly told that she is since she was a small child. Over time, she came to believe she was homely and so she made her self homely. Laura wears clothes

Dear God, I am often restless. My mind roars with fearful thoughts and my gut is filled with anxious energy. I detest physically being a guest house to scary thoughts and monstrous emotions, so I fight them with all of my might. Rarely am I successful at evicting them. And even if I succeed in ridding myself of one scary guest, three more fly in through the shattered windows of my frazzled mind. I am ready to admit that I’m powerless over my thoughts and feelings. I can’t control them and I no longer have the energy to fight them. So I surrender them to You. Help me to clear out the haunts in my head and heart by embracing them with love and a smile. I’m willing to change and to become a welcoming guest master, even to thoughts and feelings that are frightening. Please help me to greet all of my mental and emotional guests with the openness to accept them just as they are so I can gain insight and wisdom. I’d rather learn life-giving lessons from them than be haunted by running from

Richard Arlen: “If you were wishing now, what would it be?” Fay Wray: “Oh, for something simple or natural… something I couldn’t buy.” From the 1937 film “Murder in Greenwich Village ” When we take the time to get in touch with our inner-selves, we learn that what we desire most in life are the things that are “simple or natural;” the things we can’t buy or achieve or earn. And nothing is more simple or natural than love. In the Columbia Films motion picture “Murder in Greenwich Village ,” Fay Wray plays Kay “Lucky” Cabot, a rich debutante who likes to be adventurous much to the chagrin of her millionaire father. Richard Arlen plays Steve Jackson, an average Joe who makes a living as a commercial photographer. When the two characters happen to meet, Kay learns some important life lessons. First, she’s been use to getting what she wants, either by manipulation or a purchase price. Steve Jackson is an anomaly for Kay. She can’t manipulate him into wanting her and he isn’t interested

“And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon Little boy blue and the man on the moon When you comin' home dad (son)? I don't know when, but we'll get together then son (dad) You know we'll have a good time then” Harry & Sandy Chapin, The Cat’s in the Cradle In our world-- more often than not—the “then” Harry Chapin mentions above never happens. Little has changed since “The Cat’s in the Cradle” became a major hit song for Chapin back in the 1970s (His only Number One hit). Obviously, we’ve learned little from this song, despite its massive popularity. If there has been any change over the last 40 years, it’s been for the worse as America has solidly become a nation of workaholics. The lyric to “The Cat’s in the Cradle” was actually written by Chapin’s wife, Sandy. In 1974, her lyric was masterful at displaying the fact that relationship values in American life had changed significantly since 1934. People in 1934 learned the hard way that they couldn

“Addictions are not to any particular “thing”  but to the state of mind that the experience of the “thing” provides.” Howard Falco, I AM It’s true that addictive behaviors are never about “things.” Addictions are all a byproduct of negative self-beliefs. As long as I believe I am not good enough, I will need an addictive act or object to temporarily bring mental and emotional relief to the inner-pain that I am causing myself. The solution seems simple: All I need to do is change my beliefs about myself. But implementing this solution is extremely difficult because all of my negative self-beliefs are so deeply engraved in my mental and emotional state of being. Years of negative self-talk don’t simply wash away with the evening tide. It took time to believe the worst about myself and it will take time to believe the best about myself. In recovery, time often works against us. It’s so much easier to drown our negative self-talk in beer, or chocolate, or a winning ticket at the race tr

Lord, You know my many masks. They represent the fear, deep within my heart, that arises from unhealed hurts. Old negative self-beliefs cause me to feel “not good enough.” When I feel this way, I am often afraid to voice my important wants and needs, even with those I love most. Please help me, Lord, to act from that place of Perfect Love within my heart. Send your Light into my empty darkness. Help me to know and acknowledge my needs and desires in healthy, non-threatening ways with loved ones . I understand that honest self-expression may lead to differences between myself and loved ones. And I trust that your loving guidance will keep us from being threatened by our differences. I will work at accepting that I don’t have to agree with others in order to love them. I can agree to disagree without anyone having to be right or wrong, good or bad. Help me to open my heart to honest communication. Every authentic relationship is built on honesty, truth tempered by kindness and love. H

We probably learn our greatest lessons about being powerless in life and death issues. My father dies Monday night before I could get back home. That's not what I wanted to have happen-- but I'm powerless over it. I can't change the fact that I will never see him alive again, or that I didn't get to say certain things that I needed to say-- even if it was only through my presence.  I have reached a new level in awareness of the folly we call "control." This morning I was on my way to Panera Bread for a cinnamon scone. I was stopped at a red light in a left turn lane (turn on green arrow only) when I noticed the guy next to me inching up impatiently. He kept inching and inching and inching as he attempted to trip the light. I thought it was bizarre. Why are we so desperate to control? The light will change when it changes. Still, this man kept inching and inching till he had practically inched his way into the middle of the intersection. Now I know what insani

"God grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change..." from The Serenity Prayer Denial is unbelievably complex. I’ve just made a plane reservation to go home because my father is on his deathbed. Part of me understands I need to go home tomorrow and part of me is saying “Why did you just book a plane reservation. Everything is going to be OK. He’ll make it. You don’t need to go home.” But—in reality-- he’s not going to make it. His lungs are shot, his kidneys are shutting- down and there’s really no hope. Yet there’s something in my brain that’s creating its own little safe picket-fence reality— some sort of disbelief that says everything is normal in your safe little world. This is denial. I’ve never felt denial so strongly before, or maybe I’ve just never before been so conscious as to what is really happening in my brain. In the past, I wouldn’t have understood that the tug of war inside me was between reality as I want it to be (denial) and reality as it real

Dear God, help me to journey deeper inside myself so that I may believe that I am uniquely lovable.Your hand did indeed form me, and so I am heavenly by design. I don’t need Calvin Klein or Giorgio Armani to make me OK. I am authentically one of a kind. I lack nothing in looks, intelligence, grace, or ability. And what I may lack in discernment and choice-making, I leave to you. I believe you can make all things right if I simply allow you to do so. Help me Lord to lose my need to compare myself and my purpose to others. Help me to love and appreciate myself and my purpose as uniquely important. I do not want to be jealous or belittling of myself or others. All people are uniquely and wonderfully made. Help us to believe and appreciate this fact. Help us to better love one another as we come to better love ourselves. And help us to write positive, uplifting life stories that will wash-away hate and divisiveness in all of its many destructive forms. Guide me in forgiving the parts of

“Today I will ask God for what I want and need. I will not demand, I will ask. Then I will let go.” Melody Beattie In our culture we have come to confuse demands with asking. Many of us are afraid to ask for what we need or want. Asking requires us to be vulnerable. Demanding allows us to own some power, even if it is a cowardly form of power. So today, instead of saying to a spouse or a friend “Could I please have a cup of coffee?” we say “Give me a cup of coffee.” We may think the latter sentence is a means of “asking” but it’s not: It’s a command. And a command demands something from someone. It leaves no room for “No.” Many of us have also come to confuse “asking” with “commanding” or “demanding” when we pray to God, or our Higher Power. We say “God bless my mother and father” or “God make me more understanding” or “God get me that job interview with the Acme Company.” On the surface these seem like normal requests, but they are actually commands. They tell God what to do. The

“Emotions are like clouds in the sky. They are to be noticed, accepted, acknowledged and allowed to flow on.” Stephen C. Paul, Illuminations It’s tough feeling powerless. Someone we care about is suffering and we struggle internally— mentally, emotionally and spiritually—with our deep desire to rescue them. If you find yourself in this situation, stop for a moment and breathe. Stop plotting an escape plan for the other person. And stop trying to control the bad feelings that are bubbling to a boiling point within you. Face your feelings and try to understand them. They are a roadmap to eventual peace and sanity. Allow God to help you. Surrender your powerlessness over your feelings to God. Breathe and identify what you are feeling: sadness, shock, desperation, anxiety, frustration, fear, sorrow, regret, guilt, et al. Once you can identify what you are actually feeling allow yourself to feel it. Don’t wrestle with it, deny it or medicate it away. Simply feel it no matter how painful

“The hardest thing for me was understanding that letting go didn’t mean letting go of people, places and things,” Darlene’s friend said. “It was letting go of my ideas about how life should go.” Melody Beattie, Choices Letting go is not about giving up on life or about abandoning people, places or things that we love. Letting go is about accepting everything about life that we have no power to control or change. It’s about accepting reality as it is, not as we want it to be, or how we think “life should go.” Reality is also about accepting people exactly the way they are and about discerning boundaries. Boundaries tell us where we end and others begin. People in recovery rarely enter with good boundaries. We are so enmeshed in others that we can’t separate our lives from theirs, or our problems from the problems of those we care about. Here is a good litmus test for setting boundaries in terms of what problems are ours to own and what problems are not: My problems direct

  Dear Lord, help me to remember that life is filled with choices. I can choose to be right-- to control life and try to have things my way-- or I can choose to be happy-- to surrender to You.     Choosing to be right in my own way often means I choose to fight reality and to be unreasonably unhappy over things I can’t control or change. Choosing to be happy in Your way means I choose to accept reality as it is-- Messy-- and to be reasonably happy with what I can’t control or change. Help me choose happiness, Lord! Choosing to be right my way also means I may continue to follow the many  unwritten rules or expectations in my mind, which only cause me misery. Help me, Lord, to be free by surrendering them to You. Also help me to better understand that I don’t have to be right my way to be happy. In fact, I am rarely happy when I’m trying to force my rightness on other people. Being right my way rarely makes my life happy, but being happy Your way always tends to make my life right

Ever know someone who’s comfortable in their humanness and simply carefree? You know the type of person I’m talking about. They don’t care if the wind blows through their hair and messes it up, or if their jeans are slightly dirty, or if their behavior is a little naughty. If they’re feeling lazy, they allow themselves to be. They laugh a lot at life and they glide along on their dreams because they aren’t afraid to dream or to take risks. When they fail, they chalk it up to experience, pick themselves up and move on. These are the people that we often refer to as “natural” or “genuine” and most everyone likes them—maybe because they’re a rare breed. It seems to me that there are very few genuine people of this sort in our world today. Most of us don’t fall into this genuine camp because we are constantly on alert or on our guard. We’re afraid to let our hair down, to look silly or to fail. We’ve developed an insatiable desire to be perfect and we work hard at trying to prove to the