Fear Led Me to...



Shame, guilt and addictive behaviors are all fueled by Fear. This morning I thought about all of the various ways fear has ruled my decisions, my actions, my entire sense of being. This is not an all-inclusive list. I'm sure I'll be adding more to it. But here goes...

Fear led me:

-to allow shame and guilt be my personal companions, 24/7.

-to become alienated from my natural self.

-to surrender my personal power and natural self to most everyone. “I’m your puppet.”

-to please everyone in order to get their stamp of approval on my unworthy self.

-to remain bound in the chains created by others so I could secure their "on-going" approval.

-to shrink in shame and guilt if I said or did something to lose the approval of others.

-to hide my worthless self from most everyone for fear of being ridiculed and rejected.

-to manipulate anyone who offered me crumbs of attention by caretaking and people-pleasing them while neglecting my own needs.

-to give up my heart's deep down natural dreams from childhood in order to accept the morals and beliefs others imposed on me.

-to keep me in-check every time I tried to break free from my internal prison— the one I locked myself into so I could please family, church and everyone around me.

-to take multiple steps backwards whenever I rejoiced over the freedom I felt by taking one step forward.

 -to believe I was a bad person because I had my own God-given dreams, needs and wants.

-to embrace the idea that if I dared to be my true self and live my life my way, I would be condemned to hell for failing to follow the rules of others.

This is a pretty good list of the bondage I allowed fear to trap me into over my lifetime. It's a list that I am now using to free myself from the very chains society (family, church, school, etc.) used to entrap me. I am replacing fear with love and courage and choosing to go against any thought or feeling that is fear-based. I succeeded today in escaping the fear-trap by refusing to do something that I once forced myself to do for fear of hell. Now, I choose not to be bullied by that same fear. Pushing past the fear, I now feel secure.



I am beginning to trust myself and the Higher Power of my understanding.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Become the Person You Want to Spend Your Life With Everyday

Image
I really don’t have to say much about the above quote. It says it all and it’s so true. We are too often taught faulty ways of thinking as children. So many of us get the wrong message at very young ages: Love is about finding the right person to love you. Looking back I realize I wasted many years trying to find that “right” person— the one who could love me into loving myself— instead of trying to BE that “right” person myself. It never occurred to me that I needed to love myself, nurture myself and accept myself enough to become the right person— the person I really needed most in my life. After all, what is my life without me? Now I know that I’m what’s been missing from my own life for years. My life is empty without me and without my spiritual Higher Power. This is true for all of us.  Once We find ourselves, become the “right” person God intended us to be, and become the person we want to spend the rest of our lives with, then we attract others into our lives who can co
Read more

Playing Favorites Destroys Families

Image
Most every family suffers from favoritism. In other words, it’s easy for mom or dad to have a favorite child and to be partial to that child at the expense of their other children. Probably the best way to illustrate the damage that occurs through parental favoritism is the story of Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat , which is based in the Bible. Jacob (or Israel ) has several sons, but his favorite is his youngest, Joseph. Jacob isn’t shy about acknowledging that Joseph is his favorite and he has no problems lavishing love, compliments and gifts on Joseph-- alone. Unfortunately, Jacob seems to be oblivious to the devastating effect that his behavior has on his other children. The older sons all end up feeling like they are worthless in the eyes of Jacob. They also feel cheated by him and so they grow envious and jealous of Joseph. Any time a parent plays favorites the other children in the family will feel like they are some how lesser-than. They’ll feel defective, de
Read more

If The Eyes Had No Tears, The Soul Would Have No Rainbow

Image
I'm sitting in a Panera Bread in Los Angeles, eating my cinnamon scone and preparing to cut my trip here short. I'll have to return home tomorrow and then fly to Omaha, Nebraska for a funeral. A young father in his 30s died there last Friday, leaving behind a wife and three small children. There are always questions in these types of situations: Why? Why someone so young? Why someone who had a wife and kids? The "why" questions can be endless, and there's never a quantifiable answer.  I don't believe in "it was just his time" or that God called him home. There's too much cruelty to these pat answers and they make God seem like a beast. What purpose could there be behind such imagined acts of God? I see no redeeming purpose to seizing a young man from his young family. I do believe that life happens. When someone dies and there is no acceptable answer to "why," I believe it's simply the human condition. It's the way
Read more

The Prayer of a Codependent Maniac

Image
Dear Lord, it seems I’m always one thought away from being a codependent maniac! Negative thinking has ruled by mind and my behavior for so long that it’s effortless. I have been the worst thing that has ever happened to me. Funny thing is, at the same time, I have been desperately searching for the person who could be the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I’ve searched everywhere for that special person who could love me unconditionally, fix all that’s wrong with me, and set me free from all of my misery. Yet I’ve failed to find that person, even though we cross paths everyday. Until this very moment, I never realized, Lord, that the person I’ve been searching for is me. I have to be the best thing that has ever happened to me. No one else can be. Once I become the best thing that’s ever happened to me, my happiness will be complete. Then and only then will I happen upon a special person who can compliment my happiness, but who can never be my happiness. Help me Lord to
Read more