Self-Sabotage Is Motivated by FEAR

 

 Throughout my life I have committed self-sabotage against my own happiness endlessly-- far too many times to count. Self-sabotage is a terrible problem for so many codependents/addicts.

 The problem is rooted in the false belief that we are not good enough for any person. It's especially difficult if we are approached by a man or woman who is very attractive to us. We just can't believe that this fabulous person could actually be interested in us. After all, we're telling ourselves, at least subconsciously, that this person is too interesting, too handsome, too sexy or too intelligent to be interested in us. And because we don't want to make a bigger fool out of ourselves than we already perceive ourselves to be, we push him or her away.

This fabulous person may pursue us and yet that still isn't enough to convince us that we are worthy of him/her. Sooner or later, they get the message and they are gone from our lives. Days, weeks or months later, we may realize what we did and suddenly find ourselves in panic. "Did we push away and forever lose our Mr./Ms. Right? How could I have been so stupid? Why, why did I do what I did?"

The answers to these questions lie within one word: FEAR. Because we have perpetually believed we are not worthy of someone who is very attractive to us, we are terrified that they will one day discover how pathetic we are and, of course, they will abandon us. Many of us have been abandoned so many times, by ourselves and others, that we just can't face one more lost relationship. So, we end the relationship before it can begin.

A friend of mine in Washington, D.C., told me that last year she walked into CVS to pick up a prescription and there was a new employee there who was gorgeous. She immediately thought to herself "No sense in getting excited over him. He's too spectacular for me." She'd see him on occassion and just look the other way (out of fear). Then one day she had her hands full juggling items when someone approached her with a shopping basket. It was that man. She was so caught off guard, and terrified, that she quickly said "thank you" and raced away.

Weeks later, she was coming down the escalator from the pharmacy and there he was at the bottom of the escalator talking with another employee. He looked up, saw her and locked eyes with her. But again, she couldn't believe he was interested in her, so she looked away. She thought there must be someone behind her that he was really looking at, and even though the thought crossed her mind that she should point to herself and see if he nodded his head in the affirmative, she was too afraid to embarrass herself in case she was wrong. So, when she reached the end of the escalator, she simply walked past him.

A month or so later, she was at a self-check out when she looked up and there he was standing right in-front of her with his eyes glued on her. She froze like a deer in headlights and he walked away, back to the managers office area. She thought about going after him, but was again too afraid. So she said to herself, now that I know he's interested in me, next time I see him here, I'm going to walk right up to him and say "I'm so happy to see you here. Can we talk?" Sounded like a plan but there was no "next time." She never saw him again after that last meeting.

To this day, she is still mourning that fact that FEAR got in the way of possibly having a great relationship with a man she was extremely attracted to being with.

Has this ever happened to you? Do you have a similar story? If so, you may be understanding that it was fear that got in the way of your achieving a dream come true-- fear of not being good enough, fear of making a fool out of yourself, fear of rejection and abandonment. 

Let's work in putting the fear behind us. It's ruined so many opportunities in our lives to grow past our comfort zones and truly live life to the fullest.

Today, I let go of fear. I will no longer sabotage my destiny by being too afraid to go there. And I will no longer believe that I am not good enough for the best life has to offer.