Soulshine

“Have you ever been hit so hard by life that you just don’t care anymore?” June Lang, Redhead (1934) Yes. I have. That’s how I feel right now: Hit so hard by life that I can’t seem to muster enough interest to care anymore. I am facing the big birthday (the one that ends in 9) before the BIG Birthday. And looking back on my life, I realize that I have never been true to myself. I’ve long been true to my mother’s image of who I should be, to society’s image of who I should be and to the church’s image of who I should be. But I have never been true to who I authentically am. And I don’t have any snappy recovery jargon to make everything rosy in light of this realization. People-pleasing to earn approval and love is so deeply ingrained in me and it has squeezed every ounce of happiness out of my life, year after year. This is true even after 20 years of recovery. I still wear the chains my mother imposed on me at age five. I’ve just never been able to shake myself free of them...

What does it take to be happy with yourself? What does it take to love the person God created you to be? TOTAL SELF-ACCEPTANCE. Complete, unconditional self-acceptance is the doorway into self-love. Self-acceptance opens the flood-gates and it allows self-love to flow in and naturally fill-up your inner-emptiness. Self-acceptance means we have to become aware of, dismantle and let go of all the judgments we have made against ourselves over the years. It also means that we have to begin living our lives authentically, which requires us to throw-out all of our “SHOULDS.” Shoulds and negative self-judgments go hand in hand and they cause of to feel shame and guilt about our natural selves. They force us into living through idealized, false selves that betray who we really are and make us feel even more inadequate. “I should look like this” (You look just fine as you are!), “I shouldn’t act like that” (People who really love you will see beyond your behavior and love you anyw...

“It’s not the power of the curse. It’s the power you give the curse.” Billy, Penelope (2007)    The 2007 film Penelope is a wonderful lesson in self-acceptance and the self-love that grows from accepting yourself just the way you are. Too many of us have walked through life cursing ourselves with every possible form of self-condemnation. We’ve criticized ourselves because we thought our noses were too big, or our bellies were too fat, or our teeth was too stained. We’ve beat ourselves up because we thought we weren’t nice enough, or smart enough or cool enough.    As a result, many of us turned to self-improvement. We joined gyms and aerobicized. We read books on how to become better people. We invested in the latest fashions, music and trends to make ourselves feel socially acceptable. We did everything but look in the mirror and say “I love and accept you just the way you are.”      In his book Be Happy , Robert Holden says “N...