Soulshine

I believe that so many of us have a hard time loving ourselves because none of us are able to love as God does. And that’s because many of us grew up under the scourge of a religion that taught us that God loves us based on our behavior. And this very vision of God was more often than not reinforced by our parents. We weren’t able to actually see God in daily action, but we were able to witness the behavioral patterns of our parents. No doubt that most of our parents loved us unconditionally deep down inside, but their behavior rarely reflected this love. Instead we experienced the very human side of our parents; the side that was easily frustrated and angry; and the side that was quick to lash out at us with threatening, angry comments like “I love you when you’re good, but I don’t love you when you’re bad.” This type of verbal abuse, combined with dysfunctional behaviors like the silent treatment, led us to believe that love was based on what we did or did not do right...

The real problem for so many people who suffer from addictive behaviors is that we refuse, or simply don’t know how, to love ourselves. Many of us know that self-love is the cure and we know that self-love leads to good self-care. Yet time and again we continually fall into the trap of self-loathing. Self-loathing is our default setting. We naturally go there. It’s as comfortable as a warm wooly blanket on a winter night. And it’s as self destructive as wrapping ourselves in that blanket when we know we are severely allergic to wool. Yet, no matter how much it hurts, we still choose to wallow in it. Over and again, I have encouraged many people to be responsible for their own happiness. I’ve encouraged them to “take the actions required for” their happiness. Actions such as monitoring their thoughts, disengaging from negative thoughts and replacing them with kind thoughts about themselves. I’ve reminded people that feelings are necessary to process life, to accept all of...

The above quote is so true! Most of the stress I experience is a byproduct of my thoughts. Rarely does stress ever arise from what’s actually happening in the present moment. For one thing, I’d have to fully BE in the present moment to actually experience it, and my lifetime pattern of behavior has been to BE in my head. Living in our heads is epidemic. I don’t know many people who haven’t learned to separate themselves from the present reality by living in the Neverland of their minds. And yet, the Neverland in our heads is a place where we are constantly being clawed by Captain Hook. How many times do we have to walk the plank before we finally realize that living in our heads is a big mistake? The answer to that question probably lies in just how trapped we are in our addictive ways of thinking and acting. At some point in our lives, it was safer to leave reality behind and to live in our heads. Today, however, that is definitely no longer true for me. The present moment ...

Thoughts have always been a problem for me because I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Rarely have my thoughts been on my side. Instead of being sources of healing for me, they’ve been sources of self-destruction. Until now. Over the past few years, I’ve realized just how powerful my thoughts are. They can cause turmoil in my body in ways I never realized. Since 2005, I’ve been coping with acid reflux. I started with the over the counter medications, but then progressed to using prescription strength, which worried me because of the possible negative side effects. Those possible side effects made my OCD crazier, so four weeks ago I stopped taking the medication. Instead I’ve taken one Pepcid in the morning and one in the evening— if I’ve needed to! Did I really have an acid reflux problem all those years, or was it my self-destructive thinking that upset my gastric system and caused me unnecessary problems? Seems it was the latter. I’m totally amazed that I’ve been able to g...