Soulshine

“The purpose of your life isn’t to arrive safely at your death.” Anonymous Codependents usually don’t like to take risks. If we did, we wouldn’t need to rely on manipulation as much as we do before recovery. We would instead ask for what we want and need. We would take the risk of facing a “No” from someone. But many of us believe we aren’t worthy of what we want or need and we are too afraid of rejection to ask. So we avoid risk-taking by relying on manipulation. As a result, life becomes a series of playing it safe day after day. And playing it safe often means continual reliance on ourselves to meet our every want and need without the help of anyone. Some of us become fortresses made of flesh. We become so self-reliant that it no longer even occurs to us to ask for help from anyone. Total self-reliance is a problem with many facets, however. For one thing, we are in a state of denial when we believe we can march through life without being vulnerable or relying on...

“What is a lie but a mistake with a purpose.” The Cisco Kid, The Gay Amigo (1949) People with addictive personalities are notorious for lying. Manipulation is the name of the game because we are so desperate to get what we want from others: love, happiness, approval, etc. And manipulation often requires telling lies. To complicate matters, telling lies to manipulate someone often requires that we tell more lies to cover-up the original lies. Eventually, it all becomes a complicated nightmare. Like the Cisco Kid says every lie is a mistake with a purpose. The purpose is to get what we want in any way that we can possibly get it, aside from being truthful. And right there lies the mistake. It is a mistake to think that truthfulness is a bad choice. Truthfulness is the right choice. Like Jesus Christ said “the truth will set you free.” And, in fact, it will. For one thing if we are truthful we will weed out the toxic people. The toxic people we are often attracted to d...

“I hit her! I wanted to make her laugh, and she wouldn’t laugh. I wanted to make her like me, and she wouldn’t like me. Oh, I’ve failed… I’ve failed!” Liliom (Charles Farrell), Liliom (1930) Liliom is an unfortunate character. He’s a carnival barker who comes to a sad ending as he dies of self-inflicted knife wounds before the birth of his first child. In the afterlife, Liliom meets God and God asks Liliom what his greatest regret is. Liliom tells God his greatest regret is having physically struck his wife. Then Liliom begs God to give him a second chance; to allow him to return to life on earth. He wants to make his past wrongs into rights and he wants to see his only child. God shakes his head and tells Liliom that past experience has taught him that people who are allowed to return to earth simply end up repeating their past. But God is willing to give Liliom a chance. God tells Liliom he must go to the underworld first for 10 years. Afterwards, he will be al...