Soulshine

   Initially we approach boundaries as a means of reclaiming our own personal power; and as a means of protecting ourselves in relationships. This is where we have to begin in order to understand and to start building good personal boundaries.    But boundaries are also meant to be seen as bridges. They bridge the gap between us and others. In this way, boundaries exist not only to protect us but to protect others as well. Every relationship is a two-way street and boundaries must respect both individuals in every relationship.      This means that we must learn to respect other people’s boundaries at the same time that we are asking them to respect our boundaries. And for many of us, this is just as difficult of an assignment as learning to build our own boundaries. We are used to wanting to be in CONTROL. And our sometimes insatiable need to control others has taken us down the path of manipulation of others and thus a deep lack of respect for ...

We are all the salt of the earth. But when we fail to set proper boundaries, we lose our “taste” and we are then trampled underfoot. Likewise, we are all the light of the world, unless we refuse to respect ourselves by setting proper boundaries with others. We then whimper away, lick our wounds and hide our light under a bushel basket. Boundaries allow our light to shine before others. Boundaries show that we do love, respect and value ourselves. And they allow us to fully be who we are so that our talents flourish and add value to the world around us.   Simply put a boundary is:1) something (such as a river, a fence, or an imaginary line) that shows where an area ends and another area begins (in other words, where I end and you begin); 2) a point or limit that indicates where two things become different; 3) an unofficial rule about what should not be done; limits that define acceptable behavior. The simplest boundary we can set is saying “No,” and yet it is the harde...

“There is nothing to fear but fear itself.” Franklin Roosevelt    Fear, more than anything else, has kept us frozen and powerless to protect ourselves. From the time we were small, many of us learned incorrectly that we had no right to speak our truth, to own our emotional truth (our personal power) or to trust anyone to be truthful with us.    As a result, we learned to remain silent in the face of abuse perpetrated against us and we learned to stuff all of our feelings. We became possessed by our fears: 1) fears that we didn’t count; 2) that we deserved the abuse we received; and 3) fear that we were destined to be victims.      Today we are all here to prove to ourselves and to the world around us that we do count, that we deserve to be treated with proper respect and that we are not victims of life or anyone.    Today we are proclaiming that we will own our personal truth, that we will learn to experience and understand our ...

"I had been practicing misery every night by focusing on everything I hated... all it did was make everything worse. What if, instead of griping, I practiced gratitude? Not the 'count you blessings' thing. What if I practiced gratitude for everything just as it is-- for what I hated and disliked?" Melody Beattie, Make Miracles in Forty Days There's no greater acceptance of reality than practicing gratitude for the people and things we don't like, or even hate. After all, we give our personal power away to people, behaviors and things we can't control. And we give that power away by investing a great deal of time and negative energy in ruminating over what we are powerless to change. We have the power to change only one person and that person is us. Nothing changes for the better until we decide to change for the better. So how about we look at people who have hurt us, people we have come to hate, and see them as teachers instead of seeing them a...

“Cause I'm only strong as glass They say I'm built to last but I could break Yeah I'm only strong as glass And I am all I have so if I break, there's no more.” Goapelle, Strong As Glass (2014) Most of my life I’ve felt as if I was only as strong as glass. And I don’t mean that in a physical sense, but in an emotional sense. Inside, my spirit or soul has always felt fragile. It was severely damaged in my childhood when I chose to give all of my personal power away to my parents and grandparents. This is a choice that most every child in an abusive home makes. Children basically have no other choice because they believe their parents and grandparents are infallible and all-powerful, like God. A child believes that his/her parents have to be right and that he/she has to be wrong. So when a child is shamed into believing that he/she is defective in some way, worthless or unlovable, he/she can reach that point of being emotionally devastated; even annihil...