Own Your Personal Power

We are all the salt of the earth. But when we fail to set proper boundaries, we lose our “taste” and we are then trampled underfoot. Likewise, we are all the light of the world, unless we refuse to respect ourselves by setting proper boundaries with others. We then whimper away, lick our wounds and hide our light under a bushel basket.

Boundaries allow our light to shine before others. Boundaries show that we do love, respect and value ourselves. And they allow us to fully be who we are so that our talents flourish and add value to the world around us.

 Simply put a boundary is:1) something (such as a river, a fence, or an imaginary line) that shows where an area ends and another area begins (in other words, where I end and you begin); 2) a point or limit that indicates where two things become different; 3) an unofficial rule about what should not be done; limits that define acceptable behavior.

The simplest boundary we can set is saying “No,” and yet it is the hardest boundary for most people to set, simply because so many of us are more concerned about pleasing others than protecting ourselves. To say “yes” when we mean “no” is to deceive ourselves and the other person. Jesus calls it evil, but today we would refer to it as self-abuse.

Saying “No” when we need to is the first boundary that we all must learn to set if we are to be healthy, happy people. And we DO know when we need to say “No.” Our feelings tell us we are already overwhelmed. And if we still say “yes” are feelings also tell us that we have just made a mistake because we will immediately feel resentment for having said “yes.”

Being in-touch with our feelings helps us to set other necessary boundaries. Those boundaries get people to listen to us and to respect us. For example, someone says to us “Gee, you sure have gained weight.” We catch our breath and then realize we have several ways in which to respond: 1) We can remain silent and feel shamed and embarrassed; or 2) We can say “Eat shit and die, bitch!” or 3) we can say something like “How does that effect your life?” or “Are you trying to shame me?”

Hopefully, option #3 is the one that we will learn to choose. Option #1 is a choice to not set a boundary and to allow ourselves to be trampled on. And option #2 actually oversteps proper boundary setting. It’s more of an angry reaction than a well-conceived boundary, which calls us to act, not react to life.

In the film Now, Voyager, Charlotte Vale learns an important lesson about boundaries: “Stick to your guns, but don’t shoot.” This means we learn to set firm boundaries that protect us without harming anyone else.

Owning our personal power means that we refuse to give our self-respect away to others. It means we don’t people-please to be liked or to earn love at our own expense.

Owning our personal power means that we set boundaries that show we love and value ourselves. People who are worthy of our friendship will accept these boundaries and respect us for setting them.

Real lasting relationships are built on mutual respect and love— built through boundaries.