To Set Boundaries Start by Taking Your Power Back from Fear

“There is nothing to fear but fear itself.”

Franklin Roosevelt

   Fear, more than anything else, has kept us frozen and powerless to protect ourselves. From the time we were small, many of us learned incorrectly that we had no right to speak our truth, to own our emotional truth (our personal power) or to trust anyone to be truthful with us.

   As a result, we learned to remain silent in the face of abuse perpetrated against us and we learned to stuff all of our feelings. We became possessed by our fears: 1) fears that we didn’t count; 2) that we deserved the abuse we received; and 3) fear that we were destined to be victims.

    Today we are all here to prove to ourselves and to the world around us that we do count, that we deserve to be treated with proper respect and that we are not victims of life or anyone.

   Today we are proclaiming that we will own our personal truth, that we will learn to experience and understand our feelings and that we will proudly speak our truth even when others don’t want to hear it. We will set whatever boundaries we need to ensure our well-being.

   And we can do all of this because we believe the words of Jesus: “Fear is useless” and we know that all we need to do is trust God. Faith in God and faith in ourselves will empower us.

   To achieve our goals, we will choose to examine all of the fears that have held us in bondage. For example, the fear that we aren’t worthy of being treated with proper dignity and respect has kept many of us from setting boundaries. But everyone on earth IS WORTHY of love, acceptance and proper respect. We have inherent value as children created in God’s image and likeness. There are no exceptions to this. No one on this earth is better than or lesser than anyone else. We are all EQUAL. Set that boundary!

   We must also face our fears about our feelings. Many of us have been numbed-out for years and it’s this very inability to name and own our feelings that has severely hampered our ability to set boundaries. As Melody Beattie says in The New Codependency, “emotional awareness is key to boundaries. We can’t set limits unless we know how we feel.”

   We have to know that we are feeling shame in order to set a boundary with the person who is shaming us. That boundary can be as simple as identifying the feeling and then saying “Are you trying to shame me?” This simple question will stop the other person in their tracks and make them responsible for their abusive behavior toward us.

   Lastly, we must stop playing the victim role. Many of us are so used to be walked on by others that we have developed victim mentalities. No one can be a doormat unless they choose to lay down and allow others to walk on them. It’s time to get up!

   Let’s pray: God grant us the ability to see our inherent worth, to own our feelings and to empower ourselves with the proper boundaries to protect us as children created in Your image and likeness. Amen!