Choose to Love What You See in the Mirror

“Today I look in the mirror and say ‘I love you. I really love you.

You are the joy of my life.”

Louise Hay

I was up early this morning and the Abbott and Costello movie Lost in a Harem was on Turner Classic Movies. In one of the scenes Abbott asks Costello “Did you ever take a good look at yourself in a mirror?” to which Costello replies “No. Why should I hurt my own feelings?”

Costello’s comeback was funny and yet sad. So many of us with addictive personalities have difficulty looking at ourselves in mirrors. Before we even look, we already know that we are going to be uncomfortable with what we see, and we don’t want to hurt our already fragile feelings any further.

I know that when I look in a mirror myself, I see all of my deformities and shortcomings—or at least the ones that are in my head, the ones I project onto the mirror image of myself. The deformities I see are the ones that society tells me are unacceptable, like wrinkles, lines, sagging, love-handles, grey hairs, etc. The shortcomings I see are the ones I have created through years of poor self-love, like selfish, ugly, unworthy of love, worthless, defective from birth, loser, etc.

So, is it any wonder that I wouldn’t want to look in a mirror and “hurt my own feelings?” No. It’s perfectly understandable if I’m looking at myself in a mirror through these negative lenses. But here’s the good news about recovery: There are other, more honest ways for all of us to see ourselves in mirrors. We can remove the old hateful lenses and replace them with love lenses.

In other words, we can strip away all of the lies that society, religion, parents and others taught us concerning our own beauty and worth in this world. We can stop projecting negative judgments on ourselves when we look in the mirror, and we can start seeing our REAL selves.

Through the lenses of love that Louise Hay speaks of we can choose to be kind to ourselves when we look in the mirror. We can choose to believe it’s OK to be imperfect on the inside and outside. Everyone ages and we’re no exception. We don’t have to believe what cosmetic companies tell us. And we don’t have to believe we are unworthy of love just because our mother or father, or kids at school made us feel that way when we were children. We can stop projecting self-loathing on ourselves once and for all.

How do we do this? Affirmations are a good place to start and certainly Hay’s affirmation above is a strong one. But we also have to practice self-acceptance. We have to be willing to believe that it’s OK to be imperfect. That it’s OK to have wrinkles, love-handles and to make mistakes. Self-acceptance is the key to self-love.

So let’s stop unfairly criticizing ourselves and perpetuating the false belief that we aren’t good enough or acceptable just the way we are. We are good enough, pretty enough, strong enough, smart enough and worthy enough of all that is good. Let’s accept all that we can’t change about ourselves and learn to love all that is, all that God has created us to be. And remember, we can always rely on our Higher Power to ease us down the path of self-acceptance and self-love. So let’s look in that mirror and practice loving what we see.