Boundaries Proclaim Your Inner-Truth as They Protect You From Abusive Behavior




“No, my name’s not Baby, it’s Janet; Miss Jackson, if you’re nasty.”
Janet Jackson

Boundaries are essential to recovery from codependency or any addictive behavior. Having boundaries means we learn to say no when something is unacceptable to us. We were never designed to please anyone, aside from our Creator. And yet those of us who grew-up people-pleasing everyone have a hard time learning to say NO in recovery.

A boundary tells another person what is acceptable to us and what is NOT acceptable to us. Deep down inside, we know our truth. Our feelings tell us when we are allowing someone else to overstep our boundaries. We immediately feel violated and resentful.

Recovery isn’t possible without boundaries. Whenever I feel afraid of alienating someone who is treading on my boundaries, I play Janet Jackson’s “Nasty” through my head. I love the line “No, my name’s not Baby, it’s Janet; Miss Jackson, if you’re nasty.”

This quote sets a perfect boundary. Jackson tells us what is acceptable to her and what is not, in terms of how someone chooses to address her. This is a firm, awesome boundary. It protects her and yet it also does no harm to the person she’s addressing. Every boundary should be firm, but it should also protect everyone involved. A boundary we set should never hurt the other person. It may disappoint them, or they may not like the boundary, but it should never be degrading or intentionally hurtful to the other person.

A boundary demands RESPECT. We are all worthy of respect. If you are having trouble setting boundaries in recovery, I recommend reading any book by author Anne Katherine. 

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