How Steps 1-3 of the Twelve Steps Have Restored My Inner-Balance and Wellness

I don’t know about “magical,” but there’s definitely something mystical that happens when we work Steps 1-3 of the 12 Steps. For one, these steps teach us that there’s a big difference between control and power.

Most of us ended up, as the result of our addictive personalities, wanting desperately to control life, especially the people around us. This was certainly true for me. When I first learned Step One, “We admitted we were powerless over others and our lives have become unmanageable,” I felt a great weight lifted off of my shoulders. It taught me that I’m not God. I can’t be my own Higher Power, and I am not responsible for fixing everyone else’s lives, or saving the world. 

It was a huge eye-opening experience. I realized I didn’t have any authority over anyone else’s life, and that I had no right to try and control (or manipulate) them to ensure my own happiness, or to fulfill my need to be needed.

Step 2, “We admitted that there is a power greater than we are who can restore us to sanity” taught me that I could no longer seek my Higher Power outside of myself. The Spirit of my Higher Power dwells within me. I came to realize at this point that all of my life I had selected certain people to my Higher Power, or false Higher Power. I developed a habit of taking a certain person and making them responsible for my life. Their main mission— in my mind— was for them to rescue me from myself and all of my self-loathing and misery. As my Higher Power, they were responsible for making me love myself and for ensuring all of my happiness.

I constantly gave my personal power away to these false Higher Powers by people-pleasing and care taking them. At the same time, I trespassed on their personal power by trying my best to manipulate them when they weren’t being the “Higher Power” I wanted them to be.

Once I realized that no person could be my legitimate Higher Power, I surrendered myself to a legitimate Higher Power, whom I call God, and thus began working Step 3: “Made the decision to turn our wills and lives over to God as we understood God.”

This step helped to realize that recovery is a partnership between myself and God. I had to do my part by properly learning to own my personal power, instead of giving it away to false Higher Powers, and I had to allow God to do for me that which I could not do for myself. 

I no longer take individuals hostage and make them into my false god, thanks to Recovery. Nor do I try to be a false god over others by manipulating them through a false sense of control. But I’ve realized recently that I still sometimes give my personal power away to various people because I still  want outside approval. 

Now, when I feel needy for outside approval, I remind myself that all authentic approval comes from within: I have to own my personal power by freely giving approval to myself, and I need to rely on the approval that comes from the Spirit of God dwelling within me. Once I reground myself in authentic approval, all is well. And I regain my balance in life.