Soulshine

“I have run, I have crawled, I have scaled these city walls, these city walls… But I still haven't found what I'm looking for. But I still haven't found what I'm looking for.” U2. I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For Seems most of us are searching and failing to find. And I think that’s true because most of us don’t really know what we’re looking for in life. We think we’re searching to be thinner, or we’re searching for love or we’re searching for that awesome, fulfilling career. But we’re never satisfied. We can lose the 2 inches off our waste-lines, just like we wanted, but our longing doesn’t disappear. Sure initially we’re happier, but it doesn’t take long before we’ve nibbled our way back to being over-weight again. Why? Because we don’t know what we’re really looking for. Consciously, we think being thinner is it, but subconsciously, being thinner isn’t the true goal. If it were, we’d feel satisfied-- as if the search is over, as if we’v...

“If you’ll forgive you, I’ll forgive me.” Joan Blondell, We’re In the Money Actress Joan Blondell was a tough, sassy, gutsy blonde back in her film heyday of the 1930s. In the 1935 romantic comedy “We’re in the Money,” Blondell  is making amends with leading man Ross Alexander when she says “If you’ll forgive you, I’ll forgive me.” It was an interesting twist. Two people are apologizing to each other and one of them is farsighted enough to realize that true forgiveness is more than just “I’ll forgive you, if you’ll forgive me.” After all, we sometimes find it much easier to forgive someone else than we do to forgive ourselves. And it’s pretty difficult for us to really have closure with a sore spot in a relationship until we have forgiven ourselves, too. For example, Ginger (Joan Blondell) and Carter (Ross Alexander) have done some pretty dumb, manipulative and selfish things during their on-screen relationship in the film. Our hope, as we’re watching, is that they wil...

“Be perfect as your heavenly father is perfect.” Jesus Christ, Gospel of Matthew To be perfect as God is perfect means to be complete or whole as God is. We can’t be complete or whole, however, if we are divided. I can’t be complete or whole if I am divided against myself. I can’t be complete or whole if I am divided against others. And I can’t be complete or whole if I am divided against my Higher Power. If I am my own worst enemy, I will feel empty and hopeless inside because I am divided against myself. If I am filled with hatred or resentment toward another person, I will feel angry, anxious and fearful because I am divided against them (and myself as well). If I am angry with God, but too afraid to express it to God, I will feel bitter and helpless inside because I am divided against God (and myself as well). Even if we are not personally divided against ourselves through self-loathing, we will still be divided against ourselves if we are divided against another...

Many men think they have to be towers of strength for everyone else around them. They perceive themselves as men of steel who shoulder life’s burdens fearlessly, when in fact they are mental/emotional basket cases because they refuse to face their feelings and to share them with others who can help them. This crack in the masculine armor really begins to make itself visible when these same men become fathers. Let’s face it: Father’s have lots to be concerned about. In addition to themselves they have spouses, children, house payments, car payments, educational expenses, credit card bills, employment issues, et al to get their stomach’s churning. It’s true that most spouses work and shoulder much of the burden today, but there are still more men than not who feel 100 percent responsible for their families. So, it’s no wonder that most Dads suffer from heartburn and other digestive issues. They have many problems to juggle and they rarely, if ever, allow anyone to truly help...

Most people I know struggle with the emotion we call anger. There’s nothing wrong about experiencing anger. It’s a natural and necessary feeling, but what we do with our anger can cause problems. I had an interesting insight this week into anger. And what I learned is that anger isn’t an issue for me if I refrain from playing the victim. I had a doctor’s appointment this week with a specialist. When I called to make the appointment about six weeks ago, it was my first time calling this particular doctor’s office. I had looked him up on the net after a referral from a friend, and I saw that he had two offices in town. So I called the number for the office nearest to me. When the appointment secretary scheduled my visit for this week, he didn’t mention anything about location and so I assumed the appointment would be at the office nearest to me.  The day before my appointment I didn’t received the customary reminder call that most doctor’s offices provide to ensure you d...

Fear is a phantom. It walks along beside us and then as we entertain fear, it enters us. At first we possess it, then it possesses us. At this point we become our fear. We are petrified with worry and we become desperate to solve the problem that fear is fingering inside our minds. No one has to become their fear. We don’t have to be possessed by fear. Instead we can be with our fear rather than being our fear. When we allow ourselves to simply be with our fear, we take the time to acknowledge that we are feeling fearful. Something is not right and we are not going to look the other way and pretend like everything is OK. At the same time, we are choosing to walk with our fear. And in doing so, we are declaring that although we are aware of the fear, we have no intentions of allowing this fear to enter in and possess us. We can walk with our fear just like we can walk with any emotion that awakens within us. We can walk with our sadness, or our anxiousness. We can be aware ...

“Wait 30 seconds. You’ll gain clarity. And then you’ll know what to do.” Bradley Cooper, Limitless We are used to reacting to life. Life happens and we each have our own little reactions that require no thought and no effort—and that more often than not result in negative consequences. Then recovery supplies the new-found treasure of awareness. We realize that we don’t have to react to life anymore. We actually have a choice. We can default into reacting, or we can choose a different path. We can stop, breathe, relax for a moment and allow healthier alternatives to flash through our minds. Suddenly life has new possibilities. Life gets a little better. I was staying with some friends recently and forgot to bring their house key with me. One morning I left their apartment to go to Panera Bread. Once the door closed and locked behind me, I realized I needed the house key to get through the gate to the lot where my car was parked. My natural reaction was to panic and ring ...