Let Go of Attachments That Make You Miserable
“Today become aware of the beliefs to which you are
attached; allow yourself to become free of them and to live as you choose.”
Don
Miguel Ruiz Jr, Living a Life of
Awareness
Many
of us suffer from attachments to beliefs that serve us poorly. And we aren’t even
consciously aware that our attachments to these beliefs are making us
miserable.
For
example, we may believe that we have to find Mr. or Ms. Right in order to be
happy. Or we may believe that we can’t fully accept the fact that one of our
children is gay because the religion we practice won’t allow us to fully love a
person who is gay. Or we may believe that we will never be lovable until we are
as thin as a fashion model.
These
are just a handful of bad beliefs that people often get attached to. They then
use these beliefs to put their lives on hold. If I am waiting on Mr. or Ms.
Right to come walking along and sweep me off my feet so I can then finally be
happy, I’m putting my happiness on hold indefinitely. He or she may never come
along. Then one day I’ll look back on my life with serious regrets when I
realize that I actually could have been happy if I had just challenged my
belief. Truth is happiness never comes from outside of us. Happiness comes from
within by accepting and loving ourselves just the way we are. The belief that a
Mr. or Ms. Right is going to “make us happy” is a hopeless belief because it
places all of our potential happiness in the hands of someone else.
Just
because I practice a certain religion, it doesn’t mean that I can’t challenge
teachings that I believe violate the Law of Love. We all have a God-given
conscious which is our ultimate guide in all spiritual/religious matters. The
Law of Love places no conditions on love. If my child is gay I am called to
love him or her just the way he/she is. If I’m uncomfortable with what I don’t
understand, that’s OK. But I am called by God to grow beyond my discomfort and
to love people exactly the way He created them. Nothing should stop me from
loving my own child, gay or straight. Challenging my attachment to a religious
belief that doesn’t serve me or my family well will lead me to develop a new,
loving belief that will ultimately allow me to be happy as God intended.
In
our society much attention is given to body size. People are constantly trying
to eat and exercise their way into having the perfect body. Truth is no matter
how hard we try, if we are attached to the idea of having a perfect body we
will never ever have one that is perfect enough to make us happy. Every time we
look in the mirror we will find some fault with our figure. So if we’re hoping
to exercise our way to happiness, we are going to be miserable for a long time.
This means we need to give up our false attachment to a very false belief. Achieving
the perfect body will never make you happy. Accepting and loving the body you
currently have will make you happy.
Today examine your false beliefs and the attachments you have to them that our keeping you from being happy in the here and now.
Today examine your false beliefs and the attachments you have to them that our keeping you from being happy in the here and now.
I think many people 'eat and exercise their way' to good HEALTH. In many cases, a more comfortable body is a natural by-product of healthy eating and exercise. To exercise for a 'perfect body' is pointless; to exercise for good health is wise.
ReplyDeleteQuestion: What if we indeed love the person who believes they are born homosexual, and we acknowledge, rightly, that they, too, are made in the Image of God, but they are engaging in sinful behavior? How can we also be rightly concerned about their salvation? Is it better if we are quiet and only pray for them? Or is it more beneficial to try to share with them the teachings of the Bible and our Faith in a most gentle and loving way, out of true and authentic concern for the salvation of their souls? I don't know what is the best thing to do, so I just keep quiet. I find myself wondering if God is calling me to do MORE than just quietly pray for them. I feel sort of weak when I don't verbally share some tidbits of my faith that might help them to recognize they are a child of God, while also purifying the soul by trying their best to live chastely, appropriate to their state in life. I don't want to not do what God would want me to do, especially if I see many opportunities to do so because this person is in my life, but I also don't want to sin myself by not extending God's Grace and Mercy. Advice?
ReplyDeleteThe one true commandment to Love your God, your neighbor and yourself calls us to recognize that everyone is creating in the image and the likeness of God. The fact that we are all given one life to live means that the primary focus of our lives needs to be on us and on our own behavior. Everyone is responsible for their own life, for their own choices and for educating themselves as to what is right and wrong. We are not the fixers, saviors or rescuers of other peoples' lives. We can only rescue, save or fix our own lives. So I'd recommend to take the focus and move forward with it. It's fine to pray for others but we are not responsible for telling them how to live their lives. We need to respect the rights of other adults to make their own choices in life, even if we don't agree with those choices, just as we are called to love others despite their behavior. We don't have to love everyone's behavior all of the time, but we are called to love them, just as the Prodigal Father loved his two sons despite their flawed behavior. Notice that this meditation is focused on letting go of your self-defeating attachments. It's not about fixing someone else's, just your own.
DeleteWhat if your attachment is to your spouse, but he/she makes you miserable? I believe in, and am committed to Catholic marriage, and do not believe divorce is God's Most Perfect Will. Please don't say "Another person can't make you miserable" because that is not the case. I can be totally happy, getting along with people and circumstances, solving problems, and here comes this person, I am happy to see that day, and they begin to pick apart things I have done, who I am as a person, my personality, the way I approach life. It is exhausting after 30 years... I am rarely miserable when this person is not there, and often (nearly always) miserable when they are there.
ReplyDeleteAnother person can only make you miserable if you are allowing them to do so. And we often allow people to make us miserable because we don't set proper boundaries with them. If your spouse is critical, you need to let them know that you do not appreciate it. You can always say to them "That really hurt my feelings." To do so is to set a boundary that says "This is not acceptable to me. Speak kindly to me." If you set boundaries and the person refuses to honor them, then you might want to think about other alternatives. The Catholic Church recognizes that divorce is sometimes the answer to a bad marriage. A Catholic can be divorced and still in full communion with the Church. The only problem arises when a divorced Catholic wants to remarry. That requires an annulment.
ReplyDelete