Resistance is a Tool of Denial


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Become the Person You Want to Spend Your Life With Everyday

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I really don’t have to say much about the above quote. It says it all and it’s so true. We are too often taught faulty ways of thinking as children. So many of us get the wrong message at very young ages: Love is about finding the right person to love you. Looking back I realize I wasted many years trying to find that “right” person— the one who could love me into loving myself— instead of trying to BE that “right” person myself. It never occurred to me that I needed to love myself, nurture myself and accept myself enough to become the right person— the person I really needed most in my life. After all, what is my life without me? Now I know that I’m what’s been missing from my own life for years. My life is empty without me and without my spiritual Higher Power. This is true for all of us.  Once We find ourselves, become the “right” person God intended us to be, and become the person we want to spend the rest of our lives with, then we attract others into our lives who can co
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Playing Favorites Destroys Families

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Most every family suffers from favoritism. In other words, it’s easy for mom or dad to have a favorite child and to be partial to that child at the expense of their other children. Probably the best way to illustrate the damage that occurs through parental favoritism is the story of Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat , which is based in the Bible. Jacob (or Israel ) has several sons, but his favorite is his youngest, Joseph. Jacob isn’t shy about acknowledging that Joseph is his favorite and he has no problems lavishing love, compliments and gifts on Joseph-- alone. Unfortunately, Jacob seems to be oblivious to the devastating effect that his behavior has on his other children. The older sons all end up feeling like they are worthless in the eyes of Jacob. They also feel cheated by him and so they grow envious and jealous of Joseph. Any time a parent plays favorites the other children in the family will feel like they are some how lesser-than. They’ll feel defective, de
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The Prayer of a Codependent Maniac

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Dear Lord, it seems I’m always one thought away from being a codependent maniac! Negative thinking has ruled by mind and my behavior for so long that it’s effortless. I have been the worst thing that has ever happened to me. Funny thing is, at the same time, I have been desperately searching for the person who could be the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I’ve searched everywhere for that special person who could love me unconditionally, fix all that’s wrong with me, and set me free from all of my misery. Yet I’ve failed to find that person, even though we cross paths everyday. Until this very moment, I never realized, Lord, that the person I’ve been searching for is me. I have to be the best thing that has ever happened to me. No one else can be. Once I become the best thing that’s ever happened to me, my happiness will be complete. Then and only then will I happen upon a special person who can compliment my happiness, but who can never be my happiness. Help me Lord to
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No One Can Calm Your Codependent Crazies, But You

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Ah, the codependent crazies. Those needy, needy feelings. I remember well the deep emotional pain in the pit of my stomach: The throbbing sting of shame, fear, loneliness and anxious desperation. Those feelings that are like fingernails on the blackboard of your soul. They eat you alive from within as they dig deeper and deeper into the black hole of your inner-emptiness. Yes, I remember them well. And I remember evenings of mental and emotional insanity-- squirming with a magazine, pacing back and forth, indulging in chocolate, chasing up and down the stairs hoping the doorbell would ring, and staring endlessly at the telephone for a sign of hope. All I needed was a call from my false higher power; a call that would help me to know that I was OK, that I was needed, that I was worth thinking about in some good way. I was dying to be emotionally caressed on the head like a poodle desperate for the attention of his master. And certainly I had made that other person into my mas
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