Self-Acceptance is the Doorway to Self-Love


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Fear of Abandonment Often Fuels Codependency

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For an active codependent, there are reasons why one sign of affection from another person can be one too many and why one hundred signs of affection will most likely never be enough. The codependent’s internal neediness for affection is fueled by self-negating factors. Let’s look at some of these factors. The first self-negating factor is the codependent’s belief that they are not as good as other people. This belief causes codependents to see themselves as unlovable in the eyes of others.   An active codependent can see value and beauty in most anyone aside from themselves. Why would this be? Well, most likely because, as children, they were treated like they were somehow subhuman by parents and/or other adults. Seeing themselves as subhuman robbed the child of self-love before it could ever take root inside of them, and thus robbed them of any hope for having good self-esteem. A second self-negating factor, also related to poor parenting skills, is fear of aba...
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Taming Mr./Ms. Hyde

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  Each of us has a Mr. or Ms. Hyde deep inside of us. We are all too familiar with the sound of his/her voice. It's that nasty little voice that keeps telling us how worthless and inferior we are. It's the voice that persuades us to compare ourselves to everyone around us and then brutally lies to us as it screams "You are such a loser! Look how inferior you are to everyone else. You're ugly! You're overweight! You're so stupid! No one will ever love you! etc." I have listened to and accepted the lies of my Mr. Hyde for countless years. But no more. I've identified that wicked voice in my head. I know now that it's Mr. Hyde and I no longer believe the lies he spits at me. My current motto is "Bye-bye, Mr. Hyde." Every time his voice attempts to interrupt my thoughts, I interrupt his garbage with "Bye-bye, Mr. Hyde. I have no use for you." And then I laugh at him. He's the pathetic one, not me. In other words, I'm learnin...
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Take a Giant Step Outside Your Mind!

You stare at me in disbelief You say for you there's no relieve But I swear I'll prove you wrong. Don't stay in your lonely room Just staring back in silent gloom. That's not where you belong Come with me I'll take you where the taste of life is green And everyday holds wonders to be seen. Come with me, leave yesterday behind And take a giant step outside your mind. Gerry Goffin and Carole King, Take a Giant Step  In reality, there’s only one world. Yet nearly all of us have created parallel universes inside our heads. Addicts, in particular, seem to spend way too much time inside their head-worlds. I suppose this is because the real outer-world didn’t feel safe to us when we were children. So we chose to escape from it by withdrawing into a little dream world inside our childhood heads. Unfortunately, with each passing year, our childhood dream worlds slowly eroded into adult nightmare worlds; probably because we became more and more reliant up...
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Toxic People Are Attractive Until We Understand the Language of Addiction

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“Rick Von Slonecker is tall, rich, good looking, stupid, dishonest, conceited, a bully, liar, drunk and thief, an egomaniac, and probably psychotic. In short, highly attractive to women.” Nick Smith , Metropolitan Nick Smith is a character from the 1990 movie Metropolitan , and he makes a good point: Toxic people are always attractive. Why is that? Well, I think it has a lot to do with the fact that so many of us in our society are raised by toxic people; and what we know, we gravitate toward. Many of us grew up in households where addiction was a problem. Dad was an alcoholic and mom was codependent on his addiction, or vice versa. We watched and we learned. Addictive behaviors became the norm for us. We didn’t like them, but they became familiar and comfortable. The older we got, the more we learned we could hide behind addictive behaviors and we gradually developed our own addictive personalities. As we grew toward adulthood, we subconsciously recognized the signs ...
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