Codependents Are Often "Blind to Love"


The quote above is from the 2019 film, Isn't It Romantic? Josh (Adam Devine) says these words directly to Natalie (Rebel Wilson) because he's been in love with her, but she's too self-alienated (or codependent) to see or even conceive that he could really be interested in her.

They work together in the same architectural firm and Josh is always glancing Natalie's way, hoping she'll notice him. But she has a large picture window behind her desk. Outside the window is a billboard with a beautiful supermodel on it. And Natalie mistakenly believes that Josh is staring at the billboard model. It would never cross her mind that Josh could be glancing at her.

Why? Because when she was a little girl, Natalie's mother told her that girls like them never find fairy tale romance, like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, because they aren't pretty or thin enough. And even though little Natalie disagrees with her mother, her mother's belief has a lasting effect on her. Natalie grows up unable to accept and love herself. In fact, her lack of self-love is so poor that even her dog doesn't show her any love because you receive back what you project to others about yourself. If we don't believe we are lovable, we will project that belief to everyone around us-- even our pets-- and they'll treat us as unlovable, too.

 Even when Josh attempts to ask Natalie out on a date, she finds a way to dis his invitation every time because she just can't see that he really likes her:


Josh: "Hey, so I know you hate it, but it is Karaoke night tonight." Natalie: "When?" Josh: "Tonight. Would you like to come?" Natalie: "Or we could do something less embarrassing, like trampoline nude in public?" Josh: "Okay, well, you could’ve just said no."


 Josh leaves and I think Natalie is relieved. Inside, subconsciously, she's too afraid to even hope that Josh could actually like her, so she always finds a sarcastic means of pushing him away.

How many times have we, as codependents, been blind to love? Maybe we've seen a guy/girl staring our way and it would never occur to us that he/she was actually looking at us. Instead, we think "Oh, he/she must be looking at someone behind me." When we are blind to self-love, we are blind to all love.

 Natalie doesn't become aware of her blindness until late in the movie, when a friend admits to her that he has suffered from the same "blindness." Shortly afterwards, Natalie realizes that her lifelong problem has been that she has never loved herself. Once her eyes are opened to the fact that she's as deserving of love as any supermodel, all of her relationship blindness slowly disappears.

After Natalie realizes that "I had to love me," she's able to accept the fact that Josh has always been looking her way, not the supermodel's. She's able to accept the fact that she deserves someone like Josh and doesn't have to accept anyone lesser than Josh. She also learns that she isn't going to find "somebody else" who's going to love her into loving herself. She has to love herself first in order to be able to accept love from Josh and others-- even her dog!

If you haven't seen Isn't It Romantic? I highly recommend it. The film does a good job of showing just how self-destructive lack of self-love truly is. And it beautifully shows how redeeming self-love is.

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