When "Sweet Dreams" Repeatedly Become Nightmares, We Need to Change




One of my favorite songs fom the 1980's was "Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)" by Eurythmics. Of course, back in 1983, I had no clue that I was grooving on the song more for the lyrics than the hard thumping melody.

But on a subconscious level, the lyrics were expressing my own personal patterns of ingrained codependent behavior:

"Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree?
I travel the world
And the seven seas,
Everybody's looking for something.
Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused.
Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree?"

On a conscious level, I believed the exact opposite. I thought I was searching the world and the seven seas to find someone to love me beyond "death due us part." Consciously, I truly wanted REAL LOVE. But subconsciously, I didn't have a clue about what REAL love is. All I knew about love were the dysfunctional patterns of behavior I'd learned from my family, movies, TV, codependent love songs, etc.

Underneath my search for true love, was a deep search for someone who wanted to use me and be used by me: Two people using each other to self-medicate and pretending that they were in love. Two people manipulating each other to save themselves from the depression of feeling worthless. Two people using and abusing each other until they couldn't stand to look at each other anymore, broke up and then searched for new victims to repeat the same pattern of behavior with over and over again.

That was my codependent version of love to a tee, from infancy until 1995 when I entered Recovery. Now, that I can distinguish between love and being used/abused, life is much different. I don't loose myself in other people anymore to get what I want from them, to medicate away my emotional pain, and vice-versa. I don't allow people to abuse me anymore by trying to self-medicate away their pain at my personal, emotional expense.

Sweet Dreams are made of self-respect derived from self-love and self-worth. And we don't have to travel the world or search the seven seas to find it. We just have to be ourselves and allow love to happen-- allow ourselves to be truly loved with no strings attached.

Oh, and I still love the song "Sweet Dreams," but for the thumping beat, not the lyrics-- consciously or subconsciously!




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