Soulshine

So, how are you handling the coronavirus pandemic as a codependent? I'm actually surprised at how well I am handling it. A few years ago, my urgent codependent need to control my Higher Power's handling of the pandemic would have had me tied up in mental and emotional knots right now. Throw in the fact that I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, which gives me an urgent fear of germs/viruses/bacteria, and I'd be on the verge of an emotional breakdown. But today that's not the case. Why? Well, through Recovery I've learned so much about how by brain functions. In particular, I've learned that most of my daily life and fears are controlled by my subconscious mind. We can spend 95% of our day reacting to chaos and drama that's playing in our subconscious mind, and not even begin to realize consciously what's actually going on. This is why we actually spend more time living in our heads than in reality. Years of Recovery are now paying off duri...

According to Dr. Bruce Lipton, DNA specialist, 95% of what we say and do in our daily lives is controlled by our subconscious minds. Think how terrifying that percentage is. It means we only act from our conscious minds five percent of the time each day. As codependents, those who were primarily raised in dysfunctional addictive households, it's especially distressing. But it also explains why we have made the same relationship mistakes over and over without learning our lesson. It explains why we have chosen one toxic person after the next to build relationships with, why we have fallen into the same hole time and again and never understood why. How many of us can relate to the lyric quote (pictured above) from the Roxette song "The Sweet Hello, The Sad Goodbye"? Looking back over my past codependent relationships, these words say a great deal to me now. I remember when "I thought we were the chosen ones who were supposed to fly" int...

Recovery is all albout focusing on the lessons life teaches us. It's about finding answers that can change our lives for the better. And, it's about choosing to live those lessons through changed thinking and behavior. Before Recovery, so many of us repeatedly played the victim of our own thoughts and actions. We focused on the hurt-- a hurt that was often of our own making, even though we repeatedly blamed others for our hurt. Truth is, as we look back, we discover that through our own ingrained codependent thinking and patterns of behavior, we created our own drama and chaos. We, in fact, created most of the hurt and then we played it's victim. Before Recovery, we focused on the hurt, blamed others because we refused to acknowledge that we were the ones who had the REAL problem, and we perpetually played the ever-suffering victim. Now, through Recovery, we know the truth and we know we have a choice. We can continue to engage in relationships that are toxic ...

Many of us, as codependents, go through life looking like everything is just fine "from a distance." We're in a habit of not allowing other people to know that we're "angry, lonely, got no life to live." After all, from the time we were small, we were told we had no right to have any feelings, much less show, or reveal them to the world around us. So no matter how "hungry, thirsty for all love can give" we may be, we don't show it-- certainly not "up close" nor "from a distance." We put the false, happy little smile on our face and act as if everything is OK. If we can't bear our emotional pain any longer, and it begins to show in our eyes, we will still deny that anything is wrong, even when we are directly asked. Or it's actually called to our attention that our emotional pain is written all over our faces. Ever have a complete stranger walk up to you and say something like "Come on, it can'...

In the height of my codependency, I was constantly searching for the arms of someone who could rescue me from loneliness, from lovelessness, from despair. It was habitual for me to run from heart, to heart, to heart; expecting that I was going to finally find the RIGHT one to save me. It never happened. I can't begin to count the number of hearts and arms I ran to, but I can tell you this: Prior to recovery, it never occurred to me that there was only one right heart to run to, and that right heart was my very own. Recovery has taught me that I can only meet my true self and my true Higher Power within my own heart. The heart is the doorway to the soul. The soul is the divine dwelling space of our Higher Power. We can only meet our real selves and our real Higher Power when we cross over the threshold of that door that unites our hearts to our souls. Roxette- From One Heart to Another So, I learned the important lesson that I had to res...

It’s our responsibility to HELP people do what they can’t do alone. That’s called “providing a helping hand.” But we are not responsible for helping people who refuse to help themselves. Everyone has to be responsible for their own life and happiness. That’s why it’s impossible to “save” someone. No matter how many times you attempt to “save” people, it will never be enough because they aren’t willing to be responsible for their own happiness. So every time they’re unhappy— which can be every day— they come to  expect that you should be responsible for making them happy. In other words, you become their drug of choice. So by always taking on responsibility for their happiness, you’re making them dependent, instead of helping them to stand on their own two feet and learn to find happiness within themselves through God. Remember, you are not now, nor never will you be, God. But, you can always pray to God for those who need to learn to be responsible for their own lives and ...

If you suffer from Codependency, you are most likely an ISFJ like I am, or an INFJ. I share attributes of both. This story from the website Introvert, Dear hits the nail on the head. Hello, 2020. New decade, new you — or something like that. Here’s the New Year’s resolution I believe will take each introverted Myers-Briggs personality type to the next level. (What’s your personality type? Take a  free personality assessment .) The New Year’s Resolution for Each Introverted Type ISTJ — I resolve to stop picking up other peoples’ slack. Known for their unwavering work ethic, ISTJs get things done, whether it’s on the job, at home, or behind the scenes on the PTA committee . Dutiful and committed, they may feel restless lounging around, or really, whenever there’s no clear goal in sight. Want to locate an ISTJ? Just listen for the sound of items swiftly being crossed off a to-do list. How do they do it? A Sensing personality , the ISTJ’s mother tongue is ...