Honor Your Feelings This Christmas



“Codependents often minimize, alter or deny how they truly feel. In recovery
I embrace my feelings; they are valid and important.”
Recovery Patterns of Codependence

During the Holiday Season it can be easy to rely on old coping techniques to get us through difficult gatherings. One of the patterns that saved us during childhood was learning to deny, alter or minimize our feelings. This is a functional survival technique for a child who is unable to otherwise protect him/her self from emotional abuse. But it is a dysfunctional escape technique for adults who want to simply run away from reality.

It’s important that we own our feelings. Every feeling we experience awakens us and brings us back into real life. In addition to adding necessary color to life, feelings guide us. They are our inner-compass. Feelings guide us into proper patterns of behavior and help us to set good boundaries.

Feelings also help us to be true to ourselves. When we honor our feelings we honor who we are. We declare that our feelings are every bit as important as everyone else’s. We have a God-given right to own exactly how we feel and to stand by our feelings; to trust in them, knowing that our feelings and concerns are as important as everyone’s.

The more we accept and honor our feelings, the easier it is for us to honor and stand-by our opinions and beliefs. We become more comfortable with speaking our own truth and with learning to agree to disagree with others who see things differently. And we are able to do this without feeling diminished in any way—or without fearing abandonment for having disagreed with someone we care about.

So listen to and honor your inner-compass, your very important feelings—especially during the Holidays when it’s easy to revert to childhood coping mechanisms. Sometimes just being around parents, siblings or aunts and uncles can cause us to fall back into the rolls we once played when we were children. If you feel yourself beginning to alter or minimize your feelings, stop, breathe and call on your Higher Power to help you recompose yourself. Then choose to honor your feelings, even if they are difficult, by simply walking beside them and allowing them to be. The more you befriend them, the more empowered you will be to set proper boundaries with family and friends so that they will understand that you now know who you are—and that you aren’t the child you once were!

Have a happy, emotion-filled adult Holiday Season!

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