Stop Participating in the Abusive Behavior of Those Who Bully You



I finally learned the above lesson this week. After giving a talk, two people came up, backed me against the wall and verbally assaulted me. I took a stand on a social issue; the same stand that leaders of my Church had recently taken. These two persons are also members of the same Church. And because they didn’t like the message coming from above, they chose to assault the messenger.

Sadly, ministers across all faith groups are faced with this same type of verbal assault. At the time it happened, I was caught off guard and wasn’t even fully aware of what was happening to me, or how I was feeling in the process.

My therapist clarified it for me the next day. He said “You were bullied by these people.” I quickly realized he was right, and I told him I felt like a five year old who was being scolded by both parents simultaneously. Then I realized that I’d been participating in this type of abuse since I was a small child. I grew into adulthood allowing people to bully me because my natural reaction to bullying was to cower like a small child before the perpetrators. As a small child, I wasn’t allowed by my parents to speak up for myself. I was forced to stand there, accept their angry blame and shame and deal with it on my own. There was no one to come to my rescue and I didn’t know how to rescue myself.

Today, I do know how to rescue myself and from this day forward I have vowed that this will never happen to me again. I am NO ONE’S punching bag. In the future, if someone angrily approaches me I will throw up a hand indicating STOP. Then I will say, if you’d like to make an appointment to talk, I will gladly sit down with you and participate in a civil, respectful conversation. We may end up having to agree to disagree with each other, and that’s OK. We don’t have to agree on anything to be respectful and kind to each other. We don’t have to agree but it’s important that we are both heard and treated with proper human respect.

If that person is not willing to sit down and speak respectfully with me, if they continue shouting at me, I will then walk away from them and I will keep walking. I will no longer tolerate aggressive, angry, ugly behavior from anyone. In other words, I will stop participating in the problem. I will not be bullied by anyone. I will walk away, unite with my Higher Power and seek peace.

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