I’m Gonna Love Me Again



When I first heard this song from the film “Rocketman,” my first thought was maybe the title should just be “I’m Gonna Love Me.” But then I realized that so many of us who suffer from Codependency, mistakenly think we’ve never loved ourselves. That’s not true.

Each and everyone of us loved ourselves as babies and toddlers until we were old enough to understand body language and the native tongue that we were taught to speak. Prior to having our minds, emotions and bodies polluted by the bad behavior of the adults around us, we did love ourselves. So, suddenly, the “again” at the end of the song title seemed appropriate.

It was also a good reminder. There was a time, when I was small, that I loved life and I loved being me. That natural God-given self-love didn’t begin to die until my parents began taking out their own shame and lack of self-love on me. The final backbreaking moment of my self-love and self-worth came the day one of my grandmothers burst the bubble of the greatest lifetime dream God had already placed in my heart. I was about five years old. And I will never forget that day. All of my hope for a happy life was smashed to pieces with one laugh and one statement my grandmother made after the laugh.

I’m sure my grandmother never knew she’d killed the life dream that’s God had placed inside me, and that it’s been dead ever since that day. I didn’t have the inner tools to fix my shattered dream at age five, or 15, or 25, etc. Even to this day it still haunts me. And it wasn’t just my grandmother. My parents did their best— with good intentions— to squash my dream.

The dream has never been realized, but I have regained a good portion of my self-love, worth and esteem through Recovery in Codependents Anonymous. Maybe one day, before I die, the dream will be finally realized and sincerely experienced. It may depend on how hard I’m determined to truly “love myself again.”

I’m Gonna Love Myself Again
By Elton John & Taron Egerton

[Verse 1: Elton John]
Oh, the joke was never hard to tell
Threw my spare change in the wishing well
The dream alone is always in your hands
If that don't fill the boy and build the man
A heart has many secrets, so I'm told
Through the years, a theory can grow cold
I'm up to be the king, it's gotten clear
The voice inside my head is the one I hear

[Chorus: Elton John & Taron Egerton]
Singing, I'm gonna love me again
Check in on my very best friend
Find the wind to fill my sails
Rise above the broken rails
Unbound by any ties that break or bend
I'm free, and don't you know?
No clown to claim he used to know me then
I'm free, and don't you know?
And oh-oh-oh, I'm gonna love me again

[Post-Chorus]
Hoo-ooh-ooh-ooh
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh

[Verse 2: Taron Egerton]
The golden age was somehow bittersweet
But now the past lies sleepin' in the deep
The peaceful days that followed hollow nights
A kiss or touch could feel like Kryptonite
Praise the Saints that hung up on my wall
For trust is left in lovers after all
A whispered word emergin' from a tale
My wake-up call to claim the cursed spell

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