Soulshine

Roxy Music- Love Is the Drug For those of us who grew up in an alcoholic household, it’s been easy to confuse love with lust. After all, many of us as children never experienced true love as we were growing up. When our teen years hit, and our hormones kicked-in, it was easy for us to think that lust was love. So lust became “Love” to many of us. It was all too easy then to “fall in love (lust)” with anyone who threw crumbs of attention our way. First, we confused “attention” with “love attraction.” We mistakenly thought that anyone who showed an interest in us was actually in love with us, when in fact, they were just being friendly. And we easily confused sex with intimacy. Sex is a form of intimacy, but only when Love is actually the true motivation for sex. I remember attending a CODA meeting once where a lady admitted that she had confused lust/neediness with love/intimacy for years. Love (actually lust) became her drug of choice. She mistakenly thought that if a man wa...

I don’t know about “magical,” but there’s definitely something mystical that happens when we work Steps 1-3 of the 12 Steps. For one, these steps teach us that there’s a big difference between control and power. Most of us ended up, as the result of our addictive personalities, wanting desperately to control life, especially the people around us. This was certainly true for me. When I first learned Step One, “We admitted we were powerless over others and our lives have become unmanageable,” I felt a great weight lifted off of my shoulders. It taught me that I’m not God. I can’t be my own Higher Power, and I am not responsible for fixing everyone else’s lives, or saving the world.  It was a huge eye-opening experience. I realized I didn’t have any authority over anyone else’s life, and that I had no right to try and control (or manipulate) them to ensure my own happiness, or to fulfill my need to be needed. Step 2, “We admitted that there is a power greater than we ...

Addictive acting out is all about one thing: Running from ourselves, from the selves that we refuse to accept as being “good enough.” We can change our behaviors. We can choose and eventually learn to be kinder to ourselves. We can choose to stop beating ourselves up with hateful thoughts. We can choose to set boundaries, to express how we really feel about life. We can choose to be honest and tell other people what behaviors are acceptable to us, and what behaviors are not acceptable. We can also be honest enough to tell people who we really are, without feeling guilt or shame about our own opinions, likes/dislikes, beliefs and personal needs. The flip side of this Serenity coin is that we must also accept the unchangeable about ourselves, others and life. We cannot change another person— PERIOD! We cannot rescue them, save them or recreate them to be what we want them to be. The same is true for ourselves. We can change our behaviors, but we can’t change our heritage, the col...

Letting go is an incredible act of trust based in faith. We must have faith enough to trust our Higher Power to make all things right in our lives— without interference from us. When I look back at 2018, I realize that the less I tried to control other people, their lives and choices,  and the less I tried to control my own happiness by repeatedly trying to manipulate God, others and life itself, the freer and happier I became.  Trusting in your Higher Power— and in yourself and trustworthy people— is how we let go and allow life to flow along its natural course. It doesn’t guarantee complete uninterrupted happiness. There will be bumps and dark tunnels to face. But it does guarantee that we will survive those bumps and find new light at the end of every dark tunnel.  Our Higher Power LOVES us and wants what’s best for us everyday. Practice Steps 1-3, and gradually learn to release your need to manipulate life: Release that need into the hands of your Hig...

ALEXANDER O'NEAL- THANK YOU FOR A GOOD YEAR (1988) 2018 was a very good year for me, primarily because I experienced a tremendous miracle through Recovery: I finally was able to “let go and let God” (Steps 1-3).  I don’t know how it happened. Maybe it happened because I changed my prayer habits. I stopped praying for everything I wanted in my life, and for the power to control life in so many ways. I stopped making demands of God based in unrealistic expectations. I let God be God and miracles happened. I started praying a simple daily prayer “Dear God, I trust that today You will do what is best for me, and that you will guide me to cooperate with You and help me to choose to do what’s best for me.” Gradually, I began to flow with every day of 2018, instead of trying to swim upstream. I stopped creating dramas in my head and chaos in my life. And life, in beautiful ways began to unfold before me. Last January I was asked to become Communications Director for the Nort...

It’s taken me a long time to take my power back from my thoughts. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, combined with codependency, ensured an endless flow of negative thoughts that engulfed my mind and determined my behavior for years. But things have recently changed. I’ve finally worked Steps 6 and 7 successfully. I’ve acknowledged that I no longer want negative “what if this or that happens” thinking to control my mind, having endless terrifying power over me. And I’ve sincerely surrendered it to my Higher Power, who has taken it from me. Hurray! Now that I am no longer giving power to fearful thoughts, they no longer have any power over me. Next year I’ll be starting a new job position in a new city. I’ll be moving from the West coast to the East coast of the United States. I will be working with people I don’t know and I will have no family or friends in my new city of ministry. Am I filled with fear? Are troubling “what if” dramas running through my mind? NO! Everything ...