Blessed by Balanced Relationships



“One of the best feelings in the world is knowing that your
presence and absence both mean something to someone.”
Anonymous

As a codependent I spent most of my life painfully wanting someone—almost anyone—to want and need me. I searched desperately every day to find that someone who would both enjoy and miss my presence. My radar was always on and every person who crossed my path was potentially “the one.”

It never occurred to me before recovery that I needed to first appreciate my own presence. I needed to see myself as a valuable person and to treat myself as such. I needed to be comfortable being me and being with me. I needed to like and love me. And I needed to believe that my presence meant something.

Because this idea never occurred to me, my neediness was off-the-scale. It was so flaming-out-of-control that most people ran when they saw me coming. After all, neediness fueled by self-loathing and constant internal misery is rarely appealing to anyone. And it didn’t take much to read me. I know I projected my self-loathing outwardly, as well as my desperate desire to have someone rescue me from myself.

Thank Higher Love that those days are past! Recovery through Codependents Anonymous has taught me that I am a valuable person and that everyone is—no exceptions. It has helped me to look inside and befriend myself. And it has taught me the social graces that I truly needed.

Today when I look at someone I don’t see them as my potential savior. I don’t need anyone to rescue me anymore. I no longer feel that horrible desperation I used to feel. And this leaves me free to simply enjoy everyone’s presence. I can value people for themselves and for what they add to my life as we share experiences.

And as a result, I do have relationships now that are precious to me. I know that there are people who appreciate me and who both enjoy my presence and miss it when I’m not around.

Likewise, I’ve found people whose presence I really appreciate and I also really miss when they are not around. Our feelings are mutual and this provides a wonderful sense of balance and peace to my life.

If you’re missing that balance and peace, if you’re still wanting someone to rescue you or make you OK, get to a Codependents Anonymous group and begin working at taking your life back from the false belief that you are not good enough to enjoy balanced, loving relationships. You are good enough!

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