Obsession Hopping Is Part of the Codependent Journey



Sometimes we fill-up our codependent emptiness by being obsessed with something other than a particular person. Looking back over my life it’s easy to see that I’ve consistently had something or someone to be obsessed over.

In those times when my radar wasn’t glued to one particular person, I’d easily find other things to be wildly crazy about. For example, last year I was mesmerized by the new Great Gatsby movie starring Leonardo DiCaprio. I saw the movie five times in the theater and I wanted every piece of Gatsby merchandise I could get my hands on: posters, soundtracks, press kits, photos, etc. That obsession lasted about a month before I started wondering why I was so hyped over Gatsby. Then, I was watching The Adventures of Robin Hood starring Errol Flynn and suddenly I was interested in everything about Errol Flynn. After a couple of weeks, I was over Errol Flynn in the same way I was over Gatsby.

Next I rediscovered singer Donna Summer and I was on Ebay looking for everything Donna Summer I could find till that obsession wore off, too. You think there’s a pattern here? Definitely. And it’s probably about more than just filling-up the empty spaces inside. I’m sure it’s also about Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, which I also suffer from in addition to codependency.

Obsessive thinking tends to bounce to the beat of the all-or-nothing addictive mindset. We can easily jump head-over-heals into someone or something, invest lots of time and money into that person or thing, and then suddenly wake-up totally bored with our object of obsession. It’s almost like a fever that has us burning-up-hot for something one moment and then cold-as-ice to it the next moment.

As in all things recovery-based, the important thing here is to become AWARE of what’s going on with us—and to drop the denial. I remember last year thinking to myself that I was spending a lot of money on Gatsby stuff. I was trying to become AWARE about what I was doing, but then denial took over in the form of rationalizing. “Yeah,” I thought to myself, “I’m spending a lot, but I don’t have anything else to spend it on. It’s not like I’m into lots of different things and there’s nothing else I’m interested in.” Yeah, right. Nothing else in this MOMENT. Problem is, the next MOMENT could bring an end to this obsession and the beginning of a new one that will cost more money.

So awareness is the key. Now, when I get obsessed with something, awareness that this new obsessive interest is all part of my obsessive-compulsive codependent thinking helps me to put the brakes on sooner. The latest near-obsession for me came a few weeks ago after I saw Maleficent with a friend in Los Angeles. We were at Disneyland the next day and I went into some shops hoping to find some Maleficent merchandise. I did but I was able to back off. “Oh, no. Let’s not go down this path again!” ran through my mind and I walked out the door.

Being obsessed with someone or something is all about avoiding ourselves. The obsession may seem to fill-up our inner-emptiness, but that’s an illusion. We’re really simply distracting ourselves from the emptiness inside, not filling it up. Once we become aware of this, it’s easier to say “No” to sudden obsessions. Now, I just remind myself that they (the objects of the obsessions) aren’t going to make anything better inside of me. The obsessive longing is all about me and my empty spaces and I need to fill them up by loving me better.

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