You Are So Be-You-tiful!

Be-You-tiful: It’s the only way to be.

I was watching an episode of Will & Grace last night. It was set at Thanksgiving. Will is hosting Thanksgiving dinner and he’s invited Grace, Karen and Jack. He also has a surprise dinner-guest: Jack’s mother. When Jack finds out his mother is coming to dinner, he freaks. Afterwards, Will and Grace learn that Jack has never told his mother he’s gay.

For 30 years, Jack’s mom has been living in a fantasy-like world where she simply ignored all of the obvious clues that her son is gay. And Jack played along with her. Why? Because Jack believed he couldn’t be beautiful in her eyes as a gay man. He was afraid of being rejected and abandoned by her if she knew the truth. And so, as a result, Jack was never able to be “be-You-tiful,” or his true beautiful self, around his mother.

Many of us have lived our lives for way too long with the same sort of terrible fear that plagues Jack in this episode of Will & Grace. We’ve exhausted ourselves trying to be someone other than who we really are. When Will confronts Jack about running from his mother, Will asks Jack “Aren’t you tired yet?” In other words, “aren’t you tired of running from your real self and pretending to be someone else in hopes of pleasing your mother?”

When we enter recovery programs, we finally acknowledge that “Yes, we are tired!” We’re tired of giving our real selves away, piece by piece, to others who want us to be different from our natural selves. We’re tired of running, of people-pleasing, of caretaking and of living in fear of abandonment.

Jack realizes that he is tired of running from his mother, and he finally opens up and tells her he is gay. Her bubble of denial is suddenly broken and she seems a little shocked. But then she tells Jack she loves him just the way he is, and that she could never be ashamed of him because she loves him more than anything in the world.

No one was keeping Jack from being “be-You-tiful” but Jack. He allowed his fears and fear-based assumptions to keep him from being real. And he made himself miserable for years by refusing to face his fears and take his life back from them. It took 30 years for Jack to claim his right to be “be-You-tiful” exactly as God had created him. But 30 years late is better than never.

If we are afraid to be “be-You-tiful,” today is our day to choose to take our power back from our fears. The right people will always love us for being truly beautiful by being “be-You-tiful.”

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