Recovery is a Partnership, Not a Magic Act

As a child I was taught "magical thinking." In other words, I was led to believe that if I was a good boy only good things would happen to me; if I went to Church every Sunday only good things would happen to me; and if I said all the right prayers, I'd receive everything I ever prayed for to God. I carried this thinking with me into adulthood, but obviously, the older I got, the more aware I became that being the good boy/guy, going to weekly Church services and saying certain prayers were not a surefire guarantee that everything would always go my way.

As a result, as a young adult, I was often bitter and angry with God. After all, I had followed all of the rules: I'd always been the good guy, I went to Church weekly, I said my prayers, so why were bad things happening to me? Well, because God is not a magician, or a genie. There's no magic lamp, and we aren't guaranteed three wishes-- or anything for that matter. The only thing that we are promised by God, or our Higher Power, is that everything will work out in the long run if we take responsibility for our lives, do what we can to help ourselves and partner with our Higher Power, who can do what we cannot do for ourselves.

Most of us with addictive personalities have been used to being loners. We've isolated a lot over the course of our lives. Codependents, in particular, too often feel like they are required to be totally independent and self-sufficient, or else they will look weak in the eyes of those people they are trying to impress, please or caretake. But no one on this earth was created to be self-sufficient. No one can be totally independent and mentally/emotionally healthy. 

We were all created to be interdependent. We need a Higher Power and we need other people in our lives. We need people that we can be interdependent, or equal with, to help us through the ups and downs of life because there is no magic that leads to "happily ever after." 

At the opposite extreme, there are those addicts who think they are the world's perpetual victim and who choose to believe that they are totally helpless. They think that God should magically drop jobs, good health, lovers, money, etc. out of the sky for them. And they also think that they shouldn't have to do ANYTHING, other than maybe pray because they are so helpless and God WORKS FOR THEM. WRONG!!!!

No one is helpless unless they choose to be. People who choose to give their personal power away to others, life and a "magical" god are simply choosing to make themselves miserable. They are first and foremost victimizing themselves-- more so than anyone else ever could.

We are not helpless victims. We can't expect our Higher Power or other people to be responsible for our lives and our happiness. We must be. And we can be by choosing to help ourselves first and by partnering with our Higher Power and with others who will work with us to help us make our lives better.