Stop People-Pleasing: Let Your Yes be Yes and Your No be No!



Many people with addictive personalities, especially codependents, spend a huge portion of their lives people-pleasing. People-pleasing is actually nothing more than lying and manipulation. We lie to ourselves and others about what we like or don’t like, what we’re “happy” to be doing for them and what we believe— all for the express purpose of gaining their approval, of manipulating them into liking us.

I used to be a real pro at people-pleasing. I didn’t believe I had any worth or value in and of myself, so I people-pleased anyone who would throw me crumbs of their attention. I tried my hardest to seduce them into liking me, even when it meant doing things I hated doing.

Recovery has rescued me from this behavior. I don’t need anyone’s approval to have value in this life. I don’t have to say “yes” when I want to say “NO.” I don’t have to bend my beliefs or ideals or values to gain anyone else’s approval.

And when I stand up for myself, own my personal power, and say “NO” to someone, I don’t need to explain why, nor do I need to tolerate manipulation from others to get me to change my “NO” to “yes.” Now, when I say “NO” to someone and they immediately start to shame and guilt me, I know I’ve done the right thing in saying “NO,” and I stick to it.

Anyone who is going to use shame or guilt to get me to do something for them that I know I shouldn’t do isn’t a friend or ally. They are a user and abuser, and unless they see the errors of their ways and choose to change, I need to eliminate them from my life by detaching with love.

As Jesus Christ once said “Let your yes be yes and your no be no.” Anything else is manipulative, destructive and evil.

Comments

  1. AnonymousMarch 21, 2018 at 6:30 PM

    I love your blogs Father Charlie. So helpful and give such insight. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete

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