In Love With My Life

I’ve never, ever been in love with my life. In loathe with my life, yes. But never in love, until now. It’s amazing how life-changing a movie and music can be when we really “get” the messages underneath the surface.

On the surface, the film “I Feel Pretty” seems like another tween comedy targeting female audiences. But underneath some of the raunchy humor is a very serious message: You determine your happiness based in the choices you make and the beliefs you choose to adopt as truths; especially the beliefs about yourself.

Renee (played by Amy Schumer) is a young woman who hates her outer appearance. And like so many of us, she has accepted the chains that society/family/religion place upon all of us. Renee doesn’t like her face or her larger than the “norm” body. She’s allowed the world to tell her she is unacceptable as she is— and she has chosen to believe what the world around her is saying: “You have no value if you aren’t drop-dead gorgeous and thin as a rail.”

Both men and women fall into this trap. I learned at a young age it was not ok to be fat or to have acne or to be a guy who wasn’t interested in playing sports. Like Renee, I accepted what the world around me told me— that I was naturally unacceptable— and I chose to believe it. Then I chose to loathe myself. I felt trapped by the “supposed” rightness of society’s judgments against me. And I never challenged the rightness of those judgments.

As a child and a teenager, I didn’t know how to challenge those judgments and take my power back from them. So, I let them force me into a cocoon. I shut down emotionally and I refused to open up and let the world around me know who was inside of me. After all, they’d dissed my outside appearance, so why would I want to give them the chance of obliterating my inner-person as well? I couldn’t afford to be totally annihilated by their judgments, and I was totally needy on their approval— a very bad trap to be caught in.

Renee is caught in this same trap. She is able to somewhat be her natural self around her two closest friends, but never around anyone else. Then, one day during a workout, she falls, hits her head and is knocked unconscious. When she wakes up, and sees herself in a mirror, she suddenly thinks she is the most awesome, beautiful woman on earth, even though nothing about her appearance has changed. What has changed is her judgments. She’s not seeing herself as the world has told her she has to be to be acceptable. She’s seeing herself sans judgments and she loves what she sees.

As a result, her real personality begins to ooze out. She’s no longer hiding her inner-person. This gives her the courage to not only talk to a guy (Ethan) standing behind her at a dry cleaners, but also to exchange phone numbers with him—— AND to call him for a date. It also gives her the moxie to apply for a job she really wants, to give an awesome interview and to get the job.

The more Ethan gets to know the real Renee, the more he’s attracted to her. Suddenly, the complete, real Renee is very attractive. And Ethan has his own fit-into-society’s-mode problems to deal with. He sees Renee as someone totally comfortable with who she is, and he wants the same for himself.

After watching “I Feel Pretty,” I realized how much Renee and Ethan were like me. I’ve spent my whole life believing other people’s judgments against me and thus being miserable. I realized it’s been a choice, just like saying mean things to ourselves is a choice. So Saturday, I chose to start going through my day saying to myself over and over “I Feel Pretty.” And you know what? I started relaxing in public and feeling empowered. And yes, a guy can feel pretty, or handsome or whatever. Screw society’s limitations!

It’s empowering to say good things to ourselves while refusing to give a damn about other people’s opnions. It’s also a choice. And I no longer choose to say mean things to myself.

I’m feeling like a different person, and I have much more to say about all of this in the future. Enjoy Meghan Trainor’s “Me Too,” which is featured in the film. Then try looking in the mirror and seeing sexy instead of ugly. Sexy is about more than outer appearance. It’s about seeing your WHOLE person without making judgments against yourself.