Let’s Lose Our Attachment to Toxic Thoughts



Losing our attachment to toxic people is a great feeling. But an even better feeling comes from losing our attachment to toxic thoughts about ourselves. In recovery, I’ve found it much easier to recognize and release toxic people than I have found it to recognize and release toxic internal poisons.

Toxic thoughts are so entrenched and they have so many toxic suppressed feelings attached to them. Toxic thoughts are like an endless chain-gang, and each thought has a ball and chain attached to it. The ball is the bomb-of-a-negative feeling that’s constantly imploding within us every time a certain negative thought resurfaces.

I’ve been working for years to recognize my toxic, self-deprecating thoughts and to face the feelings that are attached to them. Still, I struggle to be free. Every time I think I’ve dealt with the thoughts and feelings that swirl around “not being good enough” in multiple ways, I end up bitten in the butt again.

Last Saturday was great. I felt free to “feel pretty/handsome.” I even took the lyric to the song “I’m Too Sexy for my shirt” and changed it to “I’m too handsome for my face!” The freedom has since faded. My Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) has kicked in and life has been a misery of snowballing bad thoughts and dark feelings. I’ve tried surrendering it to my Higher Power while working on thinking positively, but I’m still stuck in a self-loathing muck.

I don’t know what it’s going to take to finally dig up and destroy the “weeds” inside of me. I know I have limited power over the OCD, and I know this flare-up will pass. It always has. But I want to be completely free from it in the future.

Talking/writing about it helps. Relying more on my Higher Power helps. So I’m humbly asking my Higher Power right here, right now, to help me reach the roots of the weeds inside of me; to help me face them, pull them and eradicate them. I’m determined to be free— free enough to truly accept and love me just as I am. Amen!

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