This Charming Man/Woman is So Wonderful! Really? Think Again!


Codependents are especially susceptible to being abused by charming people. This doesn’t mean that all charming people are manipulators. But there are those people who know they have a certain irresistible charm, and they’ve also learned that they can use that charm to get most anything they want. 

The narcissistic “charming” person is poison to a codependent, especially to a codependent who isn’t working a recovery program. The average codependent has very poor self-love and self-worth. As a result, they are immediately enticed by anyone who shows them the least bit of interest. The narcissistic charmer inherently knows this. So it’s easy for him/her to spot a gullible person with poor self-esteem, to flatter them, show interest in them and even mislead the vulnerable person into believing that the charmer loves him/her.

The narcissistic charmer is a master manipulator. They know that they can use their charm to get you to do most anything that they want. All it takes is the shear attention that this person offers for the unhealthy codependent to begin the process of bending over backwards for the charmer through their need to be needed. The codependent will immediately begin people-pleasing and care-taking the charmer.

The really dangerous thing about a codependent connecting up with a narcissistic charmer, is that, even if the codependent begins to catch-on that they are being abused, the charmer more often than not will convince them that they are wrong with phrases like “I’m only doing this for your own good,” or “If you really loved me, you do this for me.” The codependent’s self-worth is so unstable that they aren’t able to trust themselves, or their own gut instincts. And too often, they will believe the lies of the charmer and enable the charmer in abusing them (the codependent) further.

Recovery has taught me to avoid charming people who misuse flattery to get me to do something for them. I see through that behavior like cellophane today, and I no longer fall for the bait. I set boundaries and in doing so, watch the narcissistic charmers walk away. Once they realize I see through them, and that I refuse to be manipulated or abused, they inevitable exit my life. 

Thank God! And good riddance!

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