Allow Hope to Be Your Guiding Light

“I just know your life's gonna change
Gonna get a little better
Even on the darkest day
I just know your life's gonna change
Gonna get a little further right
Until the feelings change.”
Simon Webbe, No Worries

Recovery requires lots of hope. I’m actually amazed when I look back over my life and see all of the hope that has pulled me through, even before I entered Codependents Anonymous.

I remember days that were so dark, when I felt so unloved by everyone, including God, that I threatened God. I took a bottle of prescription medication, waved it in the air and screamed at God “If you don’t make things better NOW I’m going to swallow this entire bottle of pills!!!!!” Silence. And nothing happened. “I mean it!!!!” Silence. And nothing happened.

I put the bottle down. I couldn’t do it. My demands weren’t being met, but I knew I couldn’t give up. It wasn’t that I was afraid to swallow the contents of the bottle, so it wasn’t fear that stopped me. It was hope.

Somehow I have always had hope that my life was going to change for the better, even on the darkest days. Sometimes I’ve been grateful for that hope and sometimes I’ve cursed it. Giving up is a lot easier and takes way less courage than facing ourselves and life. It takes tremendous courage to believe things will get better, to re-enter the now and to walk into the future.

I have no idea how hope has always managed to rise above all of my darkest feelings, but it has. Hope has been like a guiding light for me that kept me focus while I waded through the murky, sometimes devastating feelings, waiting for them to change for the better.

I suppose hope is how our Higher Power works. That Power infuses us with the hope we need as we take our baby-steps through recovery, advancing slowly toward changing our lives for the better. I appreciate the hope that wells up inside of me, but I’d even more appreciate a little more hopeful support from outside of me.

It’s nice when your hope is infused by love from others. It’s nice when someone is there to hold your hand during the difficult periods of darkness. And it’s nice when you do have that special someone who is always there for you no matter how dark a day gets. Unfortunately, this is a form of comfort that has been in extremely short supply for me during my recovery. But, to be fair, I’ve never been good at asking for the helping hand I need.

And yet, I’ve made it. I’ve made it because all of the hope I needed welled-up from within me. And it can well-up from within you, too. Just allow yourself to be open-hearted to the hope you need. Your Higher Power will supply it. If you feel you need more, ask someone you feel safe with to supply that helping hand you need.