Love and Self-Acceptance Are the Cure for Negative Over-Thinking and Self-Talk


Ever find yourself in a good mood and then had one bad thought pop into your head that became a raging river of bad thoughts? I have. At any moment I can go from feeling peaceful or happy to feeling miserable— All because of one negative, fearful, self-degrading thought that snowballed.

Critical self-thoughts and self-judgments account for most of our “over-thinking” misery. Over-thinking seems to be the new buzz phrase. For codependents and other addicts over-thinking leads to endless negative self-talk. Combined, the two (over-thinking and negative self-talk) are the perfect combination for emotional misery.

And, of course, emotional misery is the trigger for addictive behaviors. We engage in our addictive behaviors, we “act-out” when we are in desperate need for a mood enhancer: Something that can help us escape the emotional misery our negative thoughts and self-talk have evoked. The problem with this form of escapism is that it’s false. Acting-out with alcohol, people-pleasing, drugs, shopping, casual sex, etc. is an artificial means of converting negative feelings into positive ones. Because it’s artificial, it never completely satisfies us. Addictive acting-out causes a temporary, false emotional high that has no hope of being sustainable.

The only sustainable emotional high comes from self-acceptance and self-love. Self-acceptance, based in a healthy self-love, helps us to eliminate self-deprecating thoughts and negative self-talk, which is a byproduct of those thoughts.

Awareness is the first key. We have to be aware of our thoughts, self-talk and how they affect our feelings/moods. Catching ourselves before negative thinking can snowball is essential. I usually know when my mind is running all over me with negative thoughts. I immediately develop a heavy, dark feeling in my gut. This is an immediate signal that I have not been guarding my thoughts, nor have I been aware that they were heading into dangerous territory.

Once my mood starts turning sour, I have a choice: I can continue the negative thinking/self-talk and beat myself up to a pulp of misery and depression, or I can choose to surrender my negativity and self-criticism to my Higher Power.

When I choose to surrender and willfully disengage from the negativity, I find that my mood immediately begins to shift from despair to hope. I start feeling lighter inside and I notice my thoughts have shifted from my head to the present moment where I feel safe. If necessary, I’ll call someone or go for a walk to further clear my head of negativity while better engaging the present moment— trading negative head games for peaceful reality.

Today, love yourself enough to keep guard over your thoughts. They rule your emotions. We can always change our reality from the falseness of our negative head games into the reality of finding contentment in the present moment. And our Higher Power is always willing and able to assist us.

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