Becoming Butterflies!

In many ways the human person is like a caterpillar. Throughout our lives we are faced with major changes that cause us great fear and emotional pain. Every day we are constantly being asked by God or the universe to change, grow and morph into being new creations; much like caterpillars change, grow and morph into being butterflies.

This process is never pretty, however, because we are forced to leave our comfort zones and enter into dark, scary places inside ourselves. Deep within we realize that life—as we have known it—is changing in ways that make us fearful and resistant to these changes. Sometimes we may even feel like our world is coming to an end.

And in reality, our world—as we have known it— may truly be coming to an end if we make the conscious choice to grow into the newness of life that God is calling us to enter. The choice is ours. We can freeze-up with fear and be overpowered by the need to stay in our comfort zone, or we can choose to move forward into an unknown but rewarding newness of life. In other words, we can choose to remain caterpillars or we can choose to become butterflies.

Examples of life-areas where we are often called to grow beyond are comfort zones are plentiful. Recovery is a prime example. In recovery we face multiple growing-pains. First we have to face ourselves and grow beyond our self-loathing to self-love and self-care; next, we have to work at changing our patterns of behavior from manipulative to loving and respectful of others; we also have to work at honoring our feelings instead of medicating them away with food or drink or sex, etc.

Every day of recovery requires that we grow beyond the comfort zone of our old patterns of behavior. We are called by our Higher Power to stop seeing ourselves as worthless caterpillars and to instead acknowledge that we are indeed beautiful butterflies—and thus we are required to grow into being the true butterflies that we are—and this can be terrifying.

Likewise, recovery requires us to grow in spiritual ways that we may find terrifying. Many of us were raised by parents who adhered to very rigid, rule-oriented religious practices. And we enter recovery still clinging to the many religious rules—even those that negated our value as children of God-- that were often forced down our throats. These religions and their many rules may be harmful to us but they are also familiar and oddly comfortable. Now, in recovery, we find ourselves being asked to grow beyond the religions of our childhoods. We are called to the 12 Steps, a life-giving spirituality that tells us we are perfectly imperfect and yet always lovable in the eyes of God.

As beautiful and life-giving as that sounds, many of us experience guilt as we grow through the spiritual process of practicing the 12 Steps because we are accustomed to religion, but unfamiliar with spirituality. So we may actually feel guilty about seeing ourselves as valuable and lovable people in the eyes of God because this new insight is so different from the religious belief that we’ve long embraced: The one that espoused the idea that we were worthless sinners in the eyes of God.

Worse yet, many people experience fear if they find themselves growing beyond their former need for the religious rules of their past life. It can be an especially terrifying experience because religious beliefs carry so much baggage when it comes to the concept of eternal life and whether or not you are “saved” from eternal damnation.

The distinction between religion and spirituality can then force some of us to grown beyond religion. This unleashes greater fears because we may have to face the possibility of family backlash and eventual abandonment by family or friends if we choose to grow beyond the religions of our childhood.

Another example of growing beyond our comfort zones includes learning to set boundaries with other people. Sometimes new boundaries are necessary in helping us to better protect ourselves from harmful situations. Setting new boundaries may even require that we detach with love from various relationships that we once thought were vital to our existence. We may find that we are growing into being butterflies while our spouses, or other loved ones, are choosing to remain caterpillars.

It’s pretty impossible for a butterfly and a caterpillar to remain in a close relationship with each other. One is growing and the other is stagnating. We are then faced with the fear and the growing pains of moving beyond a relationship that is no longer life-giving. This can be extremely painful and requires a growing self-love that is strengthened by a growing spirituality. No one wants to face the demise of a relationship, especially one that was once of primary importance, but sometimes it’s necessary. We may have to grow beyond this relationship in order to grow into a new one that God has planned for us—one that will be truly life-giving.

Right now, I’m feeling pretty fearful myself. And I know I am experiencing growing pains that are calling me to stretch myself in new directions. It truly is terrifying and yet it is deeply rewarding. As I respond to the call of my Higher Power to move beyond my comfort zone and into newness of life, I feel my fear giving way to a deep satisfaction and a deep joy that helps me to know that I am indeed moving in the right direction. There will be hardships but the rewards, in the long run, will be far greater.

If you feel yourself experiencing growing pains as well, calm your fears by moving forward and trusting that your Higher Power will take you to a new place in life where you can truly fly freely as the beautiful butterfly that you are!