Me Seeing You Seeing Me

“You know, I got my walls,
Sally calls them prison cells...
I've got the chains, I got the warning bells
I sit so snug and isolated alone in the modern world...
I’m so scared and isolated in the modern world.”

Rick Springfield, Human Touch

One afternoon I was channel-surfing when I came across Rick Springfield talking candidly to an interviewer on VH1. Springfield made a stunning confession that hooked my attention: Much of his life, when he looked in the mirror, he didn’t like what he saw. This was especially true for him during his celebrity heyday.

I was shocked. Back in the 1980s, Springfield was a superstar in both television and music. He played a popular character on the soap opera General Hospital, and he had mega-hits with pop songs like “Jesse’s Girl” and “Don’t Talk to Strangers.” Women chased him, his record albums registered double platinum sales and his concerts were sell-outs. How could this man who had looks, talent, charisma and success not like himself?

This is how: Through poor self-love and a pattern of behavior I call “me seeing you seeing me.“ As Springfield described it, when he was on stage and he looked out at the cheering crowd, he didn’t really see them. What he saw was the crowd seeing him. In other words, he projected his own poor self-esteem onto the crowd. He didn’t like what he saw of himself and he envisioned the crowd seeing him in the same disapproving light. It didn’t make any difference that the crowd was dancing, cheering and screaming for more. All he could connect with was his own negativity toward himself. Then one night he had an epiphany. He suddenly realized what he was doing. He wasn’t looking out and seeing the crowd. He was seeing them seeing him. He stopped projecting his self-negativity onto the crowd, and honestly looked into their faces: He saw nothing but love. And for the first time, he allowed himself to accept their love and approval. Wow! It must have felt great!

Up until the time Springfield shared his epiphany, “me seeing you seeing me” was exactly how I saw the world whenever I walked out the front door. I could be walking down Michigan Avenue, passing by hundreds of people on Chicago’s busy sidewalks, and see nothing but disapproval in peoples’ faces when they looked my way. I imagined them seeing me through my eyes, not through their eyes. It made life miserable. Thanks to Rick Springfield, when I’m walking down a street today, I simply see people. I rarely see them seeing me and judging me harshly any more.

It takes awareness to understand and break old dysfunctional patterns of behavior, like “me seeing you seeing me.” Once we are aware we can choose to stop victimizing ourselves with harsh judgments. We can partner with God and work on improving our self-love. And we can start seeing ourselves through the eyes of others as they really see us, primarily with love.

Allow your soul to shine!