Feeling Amazing Is Up to You

“Just take my hand and stop the moonlight fading
Just take my hand and lead me up the stairs
Just take my hand and make me feel amazing
'Cos I don't feel amazing now”

Fyfe Dangerfield, I Don’t Feel Amazing Now

Once we start recovery, life can feel amazing at times. We begin to see ourselves, and thus the entire world, in a new positive light. We have a Higher Power on our side, we have new recovery friends and we have a new attitude toward ourselves. This makes for an amazing transformation. But it doesn’t mean that we are on the road to perpetual bliss.

There will be days when we don’t feel amazing; when it feels as if we’ve returned to the black hole of dark existence. Our old feelings of worthlessness return and the many fears that we thought we had left behind return to torment our souls. We find ourselves wondering if all the effort to change has been worth it. And we are tempted to wave a white flag and declare ourselves hopeless; to simply give up. We may then be tempted to turn to old addictive patterns to find a fix or to be rescued from our emotional pain.

Instead, we need to know and embrace this: What we are experiencing is perfectly normal. It simply means that emotionally, we are experiencing a sort of acid reflux. We may have had days that felt amazing, but that doesn’t mean that we are 100% cured. Emotions take time to heal. We’ve spent a lifetime stuffing most of them. We have many wounds to patiently nurse, and when they make themselves felt, we need to accept them lovingly. Then we do need to wave our white flag—the one that means I surrender all I am experiencing to my Higher Power. And we have to allow our Higher Power to help us through the dark hours.

It’s important to realize that no one else can rescue us. No one else can make us feel amazing during these times when we don’t feel amazing anymore. Only our Higher Power and our own desire to believe that we are worthy of being an amazing presence in this world can get us through these rough spots. Believing that we are truly amazing, despite our brokenness, can help us to face all of the pain of the past, feel it, grieve it and let it go by placing it into the hands of our Higher Power.

If you’re having a rough emotional rollercoaster ride, stick with it. Reconnect with your Higher Power and rescue yourself. Alcohol, sugar, shopping, gambling, working and other people are powerless to truly rescue you. You and your Higher Power are the winning combination. The helping hand of a good friend doesn’t hurt along the way, but it can’t be the hand that picks you up and makes you amazing again. Only you can do that. So accept the hard days, grieve as part of your healing process, and allow your soul to shine once again. You will then find yourself feeling amazing in bigger and brighter ways.