Reconciliation Is the Pathway to Inner & Outer Peace

"In my mind, I have shot you and stabbed you through your heart.

I just didn't understand the ricochet is the second part.

‘Cause you can't hide what you intend. It glows in the dark.

Once you've sought the path of revenge, there's no way to stop.

And the more I try to hurt you, the more that it hurts me…

And the more I try to hurt you, the more it backfires,

the more it backfires, the more that it backfires."

 Revenge by Danger Mouse and Sparklehorse

 

At some time or another, we all experience a need for revenge. Someone we love betrays us, or someone we work with is purposely ugly toward us, and we are gripped by hurt, sadness and anger. If we allow the anger to escalate we may find ourselves dehumanizing our perpetrator by calling him/her a “bastard” or a “bitch.” Once we have dehumanized them, we have set a course toward revenge. Our hearts are now running on hatred and the need to get back at the person who has caused us agony.

As we plot and then carry out our revenge, we may instantly have feelings of satisfaction and of a false sense of relief. But these “up” feelings are usually fleeting. They are too short to return us to any true sense of emotional balance or harmony. In fact, we more often than not experience an intense emotional let down shortly after we carry out our revenge. Suddenly, we’re confused. We think we should be elated at having shot our perpetrator through the heart in the same way that they did to us. But we’re not happy at all. As a reality check kicks in mentally, our feelings plummet six feet underground. Something’s not right. Then we notice the new bullet wound in our hearts—the one that ricocheted off our perpetrator. Our revenge has backfired on us and we have intensified our own suffering.

When our head begins to clear, we realize that we are now just as guilty as our perpetrator at committing evil. We are guilty of the same type of behavior that we have condemned them for perpetrating against us. We are two of a kind and that’s nothing to feel good or proud about. Our need for revenge has backfired and intensified our own shame and inner-pain.

If we sit with the pain and entrust it to our Higher Power, we may realize that we made our biggest mistake in dehumanizing the person who had hurt us. He/she is not a bastard or a bitch. He/she is a wounded, hurting person. He/she is as mistake riddled and as wounded as we are. Maybe we took what happened too personally. Maybe we should have addressed it to him/her immediately, instead of running to a corner where we licked our wounds, made bad assumptions and then plotted our revenge. Maybe if we had heard his/her side of the story, we’d have saved ourselves addition grief.

Now, we need to rest our wounded souls in our Higher Power. And after a period of healing, we need to address our perpetrator and apologize for taking revenge on them. We also need to ask them why they acted in hurtful ways towards us. We need to be open and honest. It’s the only way we can work things through and reach some form of reconciliation. Reconciliation, unlike revenge, is the only true path to inner-peace. It’s the only way can return to a sense of calm, balance and harmony within ourselves.

Revenge is cowardly. Reconciliation is courageous. It takes great courage to face those who have hurt us, to question them and to encourage them to take responsibility for their behavior. It also takes great courage for us to take responsibility for our own poor behavior and any negative effects it has had on the relationship. But coming to a peaceful understanding between ourselves and others is the only way we can be in right relationship and it is necessary if we want our souls to shine.