Are You Duping Yourself?

"You duped me, O LORD, and I let myself be duped; you were too strong for me, and you triumphed. All the day I am an object of laughter; everyone mocks me. Whenever I speak, I must cry out, violence and outrage is my message; The word of the LORD has brought me derision and reproach all the day. I say to myself, I will not mention him, I will speak in his name no more. But then it becomes like fire burning in my heart, imprisoned in my bones; I grow weary holding it in, I cannot endure it. Yes, I hear the whisperings of many: "Terror on every side!"
Jeremiah 20:7-10

Some days-- more so than others-- we experience hearts that feel heavy, burdened and stony. We realize that every hurt, every betrayal, every disappointment has anchored a new stone into the flesh of our hearts. There are now many cracks and very few soft places. Our hearts, which were made by God to love, be compassionate and dance with joy, have instead turned to stone. It’s as if we carry a boulder in our chests filled with sadness, anger and rage. We have even raged against God who we-- like Jeremiah-- believe has duped us.

Throughout our lives, many people have been the enemy that Jeremiah refers to above. We have blamed them all for duping us: parents, siblings, friends, spouses, children-- almost everyone on earth has been responsible for our victimhood and unhappiness. Yet, all along, we have been our own worst enemy of all. In fact, it may be that we’ve really been our only true enemy. We never set the proper boundaries to protect ourselves. We often allowed others to abuse us and then played the perfect victim or martyr.

When it comes to our hurts, resentments and inability to forgive, we need to ask ourselves some key questions: Have we taken things too personally? Have we placed unwritten rules and expectations on others? Have we rented-out too much room in our minds to disappointment? Have we simply been playing the Blame Game instead of being responsible for ourselves? Have we created a grievance story that keeps us victimized by our pain when we really want to be free of it?

Take some time today to reflect and meditate on who your enemies have been. If you have truly been your own worst enemy, can you be reconciled with yourself and learn to forgive yourself and others who have hurt you? The choice is yours. If you choose forgiveness, God will provide the necessary graces to begin and bring to completion the healing process. But you must first choose to help yourself. 

Each of us must first open the door of our hardened hearts to God, or at least allow Him in through the cracks. Doing so will help our souls to shine.