This Charming Man

A charming person can be wonderfully attractive while being equally as toxic; and individuals who suffer from codependency or low self-esteem are often attracted to charming people who ooze compliments and concern for them. Persons with low self-worth are sometimes desperate to have attention and validation from anyone who will look their way. They are very emotionally vulnerable. Unfortunately, they are also extremely susceptible to being abused by a charming man or woman who has learned to use their charm to get what they want at all costs.

People with charming personalities are born that way. It’s a natural gift from God. But there are two types of charmers in this world: 1) healthy charmers, those who understand their gift and use it for positive reasons; and 2) unhealthy charmers, those who understand their gift and use it for manipulative, selfish reasons. A healthy charmer will understand when they have met an emotionally needy person and will treat them with compassion, while refraining from abusing them. An unhealthy charmer—usually an addictive personality—will also recognize an emotionally needy person, but will often choose to abuse the person for their own personal pleasure.

Even emotionally healthy people are susceptible to being abused by an unhealthy charmer—at least in the short term. Everyone likes to be charmed, complimented, thanked and made to feel as if they have value enough to walk on air. An unhealthy charmer is proficient in knowing all the right things to say and do to ensure that they are able to trap you under their spell. They make you feel wonderful and then they slowly begin to pull the carpet out from underneath you. Once an unhealthy charmer feels he or she has you in the palm of his or her hand, they will use their charm to get everything from you that they want. They will ask you for all sorts of favors, they will subject you to all sorts of bad behavior and they will get exactly what they want from you to your detriment until you finally wise-up.

Unfortunately, the unhealthy charmer has learned that he or she can get whatever they want by simply pouring on the charm. They can break all of the rules and avoid all of the punishment by a flip of the switch from abusive personality to charming personality. Of course, most unhealthy charmers have also learned that this technique only works until their victims gain some self-respect. Once the spell is broken, the unhealthy charmer is faced with having to pay for their crimes. At this point, most unhealthy charmers flee like Don Juans. Once they sense a sobering change in their victims, they pick up and move on in search of new victims. And the cycle of narcissistic abuse continues.

If we aren’t taking care of our own emotional needs, we will look outside ourselves and expect that others should take care of us. In doing so, we allow ourselves to be susceptible to unhealthy charmers. We are responsible for taking care of our emotional needs. Today, let’s own that responsibility and nurture ourselves with our own kind words and compliments. In doing so, we will build up a foundation of self-love that will stand strong against those who think they can charm their way into abusing us for their own narcissistic needs. We will then be able to honor ourselves and allow our souls to shine!