Prayer of a Bad Puppy

Dear God, often I feel like a bad puppy—only worse. My puppy can be bad, but underneath its behavior, it is still lovable and adorable to me. I never feel lovable or adorable—just bad.

As a result, I’ve developed patterns of addictive behavior. I think I’m a bad person, then I feel worthless and I don’t like feeling that way. So I buy sugary treats and gorge myself. Initially I feel better, but then I start feeling guilty for overeating. I think I’m a bad person again and the pattern of overeating repeats itself again… and again… and again.

Sometimes my thoughts of being worthless lead me to feel deep shame. To release my shame, I’ve developed a habit of finding a target—often a loved one. I shoot angry words at that other person to belittle them. Immediately I feel better about myself, but after a while, I feel like a bad person again. Instead of owning and taking responsibility for my ugly behavior by apologizing, I reach for more sugar.

Please help me, God, to admit I am powerless and that I need your help. Teach me to change my “stinking thinking,” face my feelings and transform my negative behavioral patterns into positive ones. Help me to love myself just as I am and to love others in the same way. Amen.

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