Pray to Stop Running from Yourself and Allow Love to Find You

Dear Lord, you know my heart is often heavy with shame. It was passed to me through the umbilical cord and through the belt-strap.

Like father, like son; like mother, like daughter. As a child I frequently sensed the deep shame my parents tried to conceal behind frozen smiles and stoic expressions. I observed them running from their painful feelings and I learned to deny and run from our own dark feelings.

“Don’t talk. Don’t feel” ruled our household, and kept our family members isolated from each other. Anger and fear intensified the isolation. My heart cried-out for love. All I wanted was to be loved and accepted. But it was a cry that fell on hearts that were too wounded to understand and to respond appropriately.

As I grew older and ever-more desperate to be loved, I learned to run after it-- and away from it. I've been running all of my life: Running after love while running away from my supposedly “unlovable” self-- and from those who could love me if only I believed I was lovable and stopped my insane running. Help me Lord to stop in my tracks today and to honestly face myself. Once I allow myself to start talking, feeling and being vulnerable I will learn that I am actually lovable. Love will find me and so will peace.

Today, Lord, I pledge to stop running. I will face myself and my demons, safely within Your embrace. I will surrender my fear and shame to You. And with Your help, I will work through my pain as a path toward loving myself. Hold me tight, Lord. Teach me to love and live as love personified. Amen.

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