Everyone Is Worthy of Good Self-Care

I have a friend named Ted who doesn’t take good care of himself. Ted doesn’t know how to love Ted. And I think that Ted has so disassociated himself from “Ted,” that he doesn’t even realize that he’s left himself behind.

Ted felt abandoned as a child. No one was there for Ted: Not mom, nor dad nor anyone. So Ted learned to abandon himself at a very young age. He left Ted behind and became whomever made “you” happy— “you” being anyone who would even acknowledge his existence. Ted became a codependent, caretaking, people-pleasing chameleon as he grew into adulthood.

As an adult, Ted became very good at taking care of everyone’s needs, except his own. He’s looked after the needs of the mom and dad who were never there for him emotionally. He’s looked after the needs of friends, other family members and total strangers. But he’s never looked after Ted’s needs because he thinks the Ted he left behind isn’t worth the effort.

Part of the reason why Ted has never felt worthy of good self-care comes from the neglect of his family. And part of it comes from the fact that he has always chosen to caretake people who were exactly like his parents—people who were unable to treat him like a worthwhile person. He’d look after their needs and they’d treat him neglectfully, like he was garbage. This reinforced the belief in his mind that Ted isn’t worthy of love or proper care.

Recently Ted was working and injured his right hand. The hand was causing him severe pain and yet Ted did nothing to take care of it—aside from painkillers. He didn’t go to a doctor, or a clinic or the emergency room. When I asked him “Why not?” he said “It never occurred to me to seek help.” I said “Ted, you’re injured. You need to have it looked at. It’s important. You’re important. You need to start taking good care of Ted.” He acknowledged what I said, but I don’t know that it sunk in. He’s so used to ignoring all of his own needs.

This is a sad case of classic codependence: Feeling like you are worthless and unworthy of proper care and attention. There are many codependents who feel this way. And it needs to change.

We have to stop leaving ourselves behind. Self-abandonment is THE most severe form of abandonment. If we learned to abandon ourselves as children because we felt abandoned by everyone else, it’s time we reclaimed ourselves and our God-given value as human beings. It’s time we stood up for ourselves, befriended ourselves and declared to the whole world “I AM WORTHY OF LOVE AND GOOD SELF-CARE!!!!!”

And it’s time that we became the first person to offer ourselves acceptance, love and good self-care. In recovery we learn that no one else is responsible for taking care of us but us. We also learn that we are not responsible for taking care of others. This means that we now have free time to turn our attention toward taking care of ourselves.

Today is your day to start taking care of your needs. Acknowledge that your needs are important and that you are WORTHY of proper care. Then start meeting your needs. If, like Ted, you’ve injured yourself in some way, get to a doctor or clinic and make sure that you get proper medical help. YOU ARE WORTH IT!

If you aren’t getting enough sleep, get yourself to bed earlier. All of that stuff you used to busying yourself with can wait. You need your sleep and YOU ARE WORTH IT! If you’re not eating well or getting enough exercise, change your lifestyle to meet your needs because YOU ARE WORTH IT!

Never forget YOU ARE WORTHY of LOVE and GOOD SELF-CARE!!! Everyone is—no exceptions.