It’s Your Life—Live It!

“Well you never lost but you never won, 
cause you never fought and you never moved on… 
If you’re gonna save a life, baby it should be your own.”

Keaton Simons, Beautiful Pain

Sometimes we, as codependents, never fight for ourselves and our lives and sometimes we give-up the good fight too easily. There could be a variety of reasons for this. First off, active non-recovering codependents are way too busy trying to save the lives of others. And their underlying motto is “No time for my life! Everyone else comes first!” And this type of thinking is so engrained it’s hard to shake, even if you’ve been in recovery for a while.

But many of us in recovery know that our lives have to come first, and yet we can still fail to move on. We’ll take giant leaps forward, but then we’ll stall. Suddenly, we aren’t willing to fight for our right to be happy any longer and we’re back on our pity pots. Or worse, we’re tempted to simply go back to all of the old comfortable codependent ways, even though we know we won’t be happy. So what’s the problem here? I think it’s simply that we too easily lose our patience with recovery.

Recovery is a LIFETIME PROCESS. It’s a slow but gradual process of rebuilding our lives and reclaiming our personal happiness. Unfortunately, we as addicts have a mental attitude that runs counter to the recovery process by some 360 degrees. Our thinking usually goes like this: “I want what I want and I want it NOW!”

In recent weeks I’ve tried opening many new doors in my life and in my recovery. And I’ve met with resistance. It almost feels like the Universe presented me with new doors and then shut them in my face. It’s been frustrating and it’s been easy for me to throw my arms up and say “I quit! Why bother. No one is cooperating, not even God.”

I realize that I’ve lost my patience and that I’m too easily discouraged because I still get trapped in “I want what I want and I want it NOW.” People who make it in this life don’t usually have success handed to them on a silver platter right NOW. They work for their success. They face failure after failure after failure. They hear “No” a thousand times before they get the “Yes” they need to move forward. And yet they succeed because they don’t give up. They keep fighting for their right to lifelong success and happiness. And we all need to do the same.

If things aren’t going as smoothly or as fast as you’d like, if you’re having trouble moving through doors that seem open but then turn out to be revolving, then stop going in circles-- but don’t give up. Look for new doors. They’re plentiful. And keep your eyes focused on your life. Taking care of others never provides happiness or success. You’re the only one who can ensure that your life is successful and reasonably happy—and you have to be focused on you with plenty of patience to ensure your own success and happiness.