Release Your Brakes and Give Life to Your Relationships

“Come on. Why don’t you release those brakes?”

Mae West, Goin’ to Town

I’ve had the brakes-on in terms of concealing who I am for most of my life. Even if I'd let-up on the foot-pedal just enough to allow some of my real self out, I could still rely on the emergency brake to keep people at arms-length—and to keep me safe from them, supposedly.

Anyone who has seen the film Goin’ to Town knows that it primarily involves Mae West’s pursuit of a British gentleman who is too well-groomed, and maybe too afraid, to be vulnerable. She’s hot after him and he’s as cool, or rather as frigid, as ice. He isn’t about to let his guard down, reveal any of his true self or allow his honest bubbling-to-the-surface feelings for her to be expressed in any way. He plays it completely safe to the point of losing her to another man—for a time.

Too often we are afraid of expressing how we honestly feel about someone. Likewise, we are too often afraid of loosening-up and allowing ourselves to be comfortable around this same someone. We fear we aren’t good enough to be our natural selves, and so we hold our real selves in for fear of rejection and of losing this person. What we never consider is the fact that eventually this person is going to reject us and walk away. We can’t keep the brakes on forever. Sooner or later, if we remain unwilling to open-up and reveal our true selves, this special person is going to give up on us. They’ll move on and we’ll be left saying to ourselves “See, everyone always abandons me.”

Life literally comes to a standstill when we are never willing to release our brakes. Many of us have been living a “still life” for so long that we don’t even realize that we are trapped in a portrait of our life that never moves, never changes and never goes anywhere affirming or life-giving. It’s impossible to be fully alive while always having our brakes-on.

Take time today to realize just how often you have your brakes engaged. Where are they engaged? Are the brakes-on in terms of self-revelation? Are you too afraid to show the world, and in particular certain people that you love, who you really are inside? When you are around people you love is the brake on so securely that you can’t even talk or reveal anything about where you are inside at the moment?

Next, examine why the brakes are on. Why are you mashing the brake pedal to the floor of your soul? Are you fearful of rejection? Or abandonment? Are you fearful of being hurt again? It’s important to understand why you have the brakes on and to challenge yourself. There’s great truth in the old saying “It’s better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all.” People who never love at all have the brakes on their entire lives—and they lose out on life completely.

Do we want to lose out on life completely? I know I don’t want to anymore. And so I believe it’s better to loosen up on those brakes, breathe, relax and open-up to others and to life. Life’s not waiting for us. And as long as we have the brakes on, life is going to keep passing us by. I’ve decided to release the brakes and to go with the flow of life. It may be like a rollercoaster at times, and that’s OK. At least I’ll know I’m alive by allowing myself to fully flow-with and fully feel all of the ups and downs; all of the love and losses. And it will be well worth it!