Finding Balance on “One of Those Days”

Yesterday was one of those days. From the get-go it seemed like the entire universe was working against me. Nothing was flowing right and so all of the slumbering, unresolved frustration and anger inside of me erupted to new volcanic heights.

As I was driving along I found myself screaming at life, God and the entire world as I banged on my steering wheel. The initial frustration that surfaced was about the past few months. Over that time, I’ve invested a lot of energy into getting my life together in new, necessary ways. I’ve taken giant steps forward, which is great. But I’ve also met great resistance and there’s been practically no positive response from others that I’ve reached-out to; or at least, it isn’t coming soon enough for me.

All of that frustration quickly snowballed into an avalanche of past and present frustration, hurt and anger. Terrible things that happened to me in the past came flooding back and all I could do is remember and ask “Where was God during all of this?” I had no satisfactory answer to that question: Not even one.

So I went to a coffeehouse, sat in a garden area mostly by myself, and started journaling it all down. After three or four pages, I felt better. But my questions were still unanswered. As a child, as a teenager and even as a young adult, I had no trouble attracting people who were abusive to me; even strangers on the street. But when it came to receiving support from others or from on High, there was no one. And so I sat asking God this one question: “Where were you when all of this was happening to me?”

I received no answer, but at least I was facing the demons that are still alive inside of me; and in the long run, I felt better. Then an old acquaintance walked in. I hadn’t seen her in a long time and we had a good talk. That took me out of my head world, placed me back into the real world and helped me to find a better place of balance inside myself.

It seems no matter how far along we are in recovery, we can still have “one of those days.” Many of us have years and years of old wounds that we’ve never fully faced and grieved. And all it takes is for a few things to go wrong in the course of a morning for those old wound to come roaring back at us.

It’s important to face the wounds, the hurt, the frustration and the anger when they surface. Start by releasing it verbally. That was the first thing I did yesterday. I spit the poison out by screaming it out of me and I immediately felt some relief. Next we need to journal it all down on paper. Putting it on paper makes it tangible, makes it real. It also allows us to develop a plan for sifting through it all. We can take what we’ve written down and share it with a therapist, sponsor, good friend or someone else we feel safe talking with.

After writing it all down, connect with someone. I was lucky yesterday that I just happened to run into someone I hadn’t seen in a long time. We can’t count on being so lucky. So it’s a good idea to call someone we feel safe talking to. We don’t have to slam them with what’s bothering us at the moment. I didn’t feel the need to do that yesterday, maybe because I just felt grateful to see this person again after not having seen her for a year or so. Just catching up with her took me out of my poison and into a better place where I felt some balance.

In the process of all of this, pull your Higher Power in and make that Power accountable. I didn’t get an answer from my Higher Power yesterday. But that’s OK. The important thing was that I took responsibility for myself and my life. I did the things I needed to do to reclaim my balance despite the fact that I didn’t feel supported by my Higher Power.

Today, I can’t say all is well. But I can say that I am back on the right path.