Smile When Life Changes for the Better



“You never know when things will turn to the better.
Be prepared for the change you never expected.”
Miami by Monostrip (2010)

There are internal miracles that take place during recovery. Things suddenly “turn to the better” and we’re taken by surprise. It starts as soon as we say the First Step and admit that we are powerless over other people, or alcohol or sugar or whatever. The very moment I admitted that I was powerless over other people, that I could not control anyone or make them—or life for that matter—into exactly what I wanted, I felt immediate emotional relief.

What I actually felt was the weight of the world being lifted off my shoulders. I wasn’t prepared for this positive change, and I certainly never expected to feel peace, freedom and an odd sort of contentment by admitting that I was powerless. I had been brainwashed to believe I only had power when I could control everything and everyone. The world told me to be powerless was to be a failure. So, how could I be empowered by admitting I was powerless? It made no sense and yet it was definitely a positive change for the better that I relished.

Since that day, back in 1995, recovery has brought countless unexpected turns for the better. Most of them have happened so gradually and quietly inside of me that I can’t even pinpoint for sure when the change actually occurred. For example, one day I just happened to realize that I felt a sense of belonging and comfort when I was around people in my CODA group. Somehow an inner-change had taken place. All of the anxiety that I had forever felt whenever I was in public was suddenly gone, and I felt comfortable. I felt good enough and I felt acceptable.

There are times when the change was so incredible that I couldn’t help be aware of it as soon as it happened. I remember one Saturday in August of 1998, in particular. I was living in Chicago at the time and I always attended the Saturday 4:00 PM CODA meeting at the Lincoln Park Alano Club on Sheffield Ave. When I first started attending this meeting in 1996, I rarely accepted invitations for fellowship after the meeting. People always went to a coffee house or a restaurant to socialize after the meeting, but initially I was uncomfortable with socializing. I was still too afraid to open-up and let myself out.

One Saturday, I did finally decide to go against my gut feeling (which said “FLEE to safety!”) and go with others for coffee after a meeting. I found that even though I was scared, I was actually happy. When I isolated I felt safe, but never happy. So I started going for fellowship every week.

By August of 1998, I was ready for a big inner-miracle and it happened at Mitchell’s Diner on Clybourn Ave. We were having dinner and someone said something that struck me as so funny that I couldn’t contain myself. I was powerless to remain frozen inside and I burst into uncontrollable laughter. I hadn’t laughed in YEARS! So I didn’t know where this great joy was coming from. And people were looking at me like “Who is this guy? This isn’t the Charlie we know. We’ve never even hardly seen him smile!”

I laughed until my gut hurt and I practically had to pick myself up from under the table. It was a magnificent turn for the better that I definitely wasn’t prepared for at all. I remember walking home that night feeling lighter and more alive inside than I had felt in my entire adult life.

Fast-forward to 2013 and practically every day I come to notice that I feel increasingly happy with myself. I feel more lovable and I feel increasingly like a worthwhile person. Of course, I always ask Higher Love to open up all of the doors within me to self-knowledge, self-love and self-appreciation. Even now, I never know when change is going to take me to a new, even “better” place inside myself, and so I don’t have a way of being prepared for the change. But I’m getting accustomed to experiencing wonderful surprises that infuse my soul with new life!

As you continue your journey through recovery, take time to write down the changes for the better that happen inside of you. Then take extra time to really value and relish those changes. They are little miracles that are inner-connected and that become part of the bigger miracle that is you!

Monostrip is a Swedish five-piece synthpop band influenced by Duran Duran, New Order and Ultravox. They’ve released one album, “The Grand Youth.”

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